Miracle Grow

Sometimes I can't wait till my son gets asleep so I can do my chores or perhaps just steal a "me-time" all for myself. But I found that I actually miss him when he sleeps. I can't wait to see his bright eyes and big smiles on his face. I think I never loved anyone as much to this extreme.
I love him more than I could help to love somebody. Sometimes I wonder if I have another child, will I love him/her the same? and will I love Dy the same.

The other day, I accidentally poured a whole bunch of Miracle Grow vitamin to my plant. I expected the plant would grow crazily thick and nourished. But, it died. So I thought, maybe it's just the same with love. If I give a steady and substantial love to my son, he will nourish. But if I overwhelm him with too much love, he won't survive.

I take daily life experiences into my account of soul-searching. I don't know when I started doing that, but I'm amazed by how much similarity of events that have no connection whatsoever start to make sense. I just hope the enlightment goes into the right direction.

a Letter

Be strong
Be patient
Be kind

Don't give up,
don't give up,
don't give up,
Just don't ..

Learn, observe, communicate.

Be the one you want to look up to.
what you see in others that you admire,
what? what? ask again?

be true to your heart.
but really listen to what it says.
don't get carried away with delusions.

listen carefully to your heart and mind.
they both can work together.

Love is hard sometimes, but it's not impossible.

Craving Solitude

Sometimes I'm craving a solitude time. A time when I can clear up my mind.

In the old days, an-hour subway ride worked amazingly to me. Besides the boringness, I found that sitting there, rocking in that commotion, watching people in and out the car, soothed my mind. I felt calm and collected. Maybe because I was still, maybe because in people faces told so many stories.

I like the motion ... might feel like a rocking of a mother to a baby... back and forth, back and forth. I found that relaxing somehow. I notice that when had this many things going on in my mind, I slowly untangled them one by one. Maybe I could claim it as a Subway Meditation.

I realize that when I'm not going anywhere, just stay home all day, stuck with all boring routine, I am agitated, restless. A nice walk is always good to refresh my mind. Otherwise I'll go crazy.
A good music does help ...

I'd love to have a walk by myself. Maybe one of these days, we'll see how my son thinks about it.