"Cerita seorang maya"

** Parental Advisory **

Kutemukan sosoknya dalam diriku ... wanita muda itu sebaya ...
Bertemu dalam suatu masa yang lalu .. dan dia lalu bercerita
Jari-jarinya menari di atas papan ketik elektronik ... melenggokkan penat hatinya.
Dan dia bertanya ... apakah intuisi itu dapat kita percaya?
Apakah benar adanya indra ke-enam? Darimanakah kita dapat memilah intuisi dengan prasangka ...
Aku termangu .. diam ..

Lalu dia terus bertanya ... apakah sebaiknya kita percaya apa yang kita rasakan?
Mengapa hidup begitu getir .. dan mengapa kita harus jadi salah satu peran peran ini?
Aku tak memilih jadi begini ... aku tak tahu apakah aku ini benar atau salah.
Suci atau sundal ...

Laki-laki suka tubuhnya karena dia ranum ... merekah ... siapa yang tak ingin memetiknya.
Aku tak percaya cinta .. cinta itu basi bau mulut yang tak enak ...
Pernah kupercaya cinta ... tapi itu dulu, jaman aku masih bau kencur.
Masih belum kenal dengan namanya penis lelaki ... hahaha ...
ternyata enak juga ... meskipun bau pesing kadang.
Aku tergelak mendengarnya ...

Pamanku pernah menikamku dengan senjatanya ... aku tergetar diam, I'm sorry I said ..
oh, it's okay ... itu cuma cerita lalu .... aku pendam erat ... siapa juga mau percaya ceritaku.
Aku jadi benci laki laki sejak saat itu, mereka maunya cuma meremas payudaraku dan menempelkan tititnya.
Tapi kadang aku juga suka ... enak sih. LOL.
Kadang saja aku enggan disentuh .... pernah nggak merasakan kekosongan saat bersetubuh?
Biarpun sama pacarku, tak ingin juga aku dipegangnya ...

Kenapa? tanyaku ... lagi nggak mood?
Bukan, ... bercinta itu mengalirkan hawa tersendiri yang beda tiap permainan.
Aku merasa tidak dicintai ... hanya dianggap seonggok daging ...
Aku percaya intuisiku ... jadi aku tahu .. something's wrong.
Aku juga ingin dielus, dicium, dibelai-belai untuk warming up ... memangnya enak langsung tancap?!
Laki laki itu kadang bodoh sekali .... vagina punya kelenjar2 yang basah kalau kita terangsang,
sama seperti titit yang berdiri. Sama cara kerja dan fungsinya .. beda bentuk, gitu aja.
Aku senyum-senyum sendiri ...

Terus kamu nggak mau lagi dong sama yang namanya lelaki?
Siapa bilang, ... aku juga butuh kok ... hanya saja, take it easy ... it's all bullshit
bahkan dari lelaki yang say "I Love You" .. pasti akan ada suatu saat kamu akan merasa kosong ...
ingat itu, tapi jangan cemas .... basuh saja tubuhmu, seks nggak selalu nikmat.
Mungkin next time is better ... hahaha.

Kamu gila ... tapi lugas dan apa adanya.
mungkin, ... terlalu banyak pahit menekan .... tapi yang penting aku waras untuk meneruskan hidupku
bukan seperti pengecut yang pilih menghabisi nyawanya. Itu namanya kalah adu nasib.

Thanks for talking with me ... aku kayak habis dapat brain shock .. :)
anytime ..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------???????????????????????????
kenapa ku posting? kagum, heran, bingung, tercengang ... geleng-geleng kepala.
Salut sama jujurnya ...
Itu yang penting, karena kita menjumpai beragam manusia di dunia ini, perbedaan itu kenyataan .....
Hidup ini penuh luka-luka, dan apa yang kita alami mungkin tak sebanding dengan yang lainnya.
Ini kenyataan ... dari seseorang yang tak pernah kulihat nyata, hanya virtual ... tapi hatiku untuknya.

Good night girl ... wherever you are.

"Shine on Me ..."

Today was so nice, it was warm ... not hot ...with a brisk wind that caresses my arms. I got a chance to use my sleeveless tee, carry on a sweater just in case it would get colder. I walked out the door, blinded for a second by the sharp shine of the sun ... whooaaa ... what a day ... love it. I don't remember when was the last time it gets so warm and nice like this in NY ... almost 6 months ago. I'm a night person but I love the sun, it's one of my source of happiness. Spring is on the air ....

I was feeling all happy ... ... even anong's grouchiness didn't bother me that much ... cause we're heading to IHOP anyway ... can't wait to get the buttery hot pancakes with maple syrup on top shoved down to my empty tummy *drooling*. At IHOP, we were seated in the booth by this little chick ... literaly .. she's like 2 yo old something, soooo cute with her curly pony tail and yellow hair band ... her eyes are so bright and those lashes are long and curled up .. drop dead gorgeous ... I wanted to pinch that chubby pink cheek, but I refrained myself :P~~~. So we just ordered the food, I got The Big Steak Omelette ... cost almost $10, but oh well, I was starving as hell and it look damn good. Anong just got the Grilled Cheese Sandwich ... no pancakes?? no way ..... mine came with three buttermilk pancakes ... * mmmmmmm .... * that's what I'm talking about .... Forget diet for this time, I need my calories ... .

I was seated by the window with my back facing it, so I got to soak up the warmth ... oooh, felt so good. Not a while later, that little chick was pointing at me and anong ... she murmured something, I was like "What did you say, baby?", her mom said ... "She thinks you're Chinese". I smiled back and wondered how this 2 year-old knew, then I said "She's right ... I have Chinese in me", the mom looked surprised because she thought I wasn't .... yeah, I look more like Spanish or Filipine. (note to slesta: it's new york, girl ... we have the same problem ... hehehe ) .

After finishing up, sooo full, I only ate two pancakes anyway ... I planned to see Mr. Martinez, hopefully he's at home, so Anong waited in the car while I went upstairs. When I knocked at the door, I didn't expect him to let me in ... I only need to say a few thing to him, but I walked in anyway ... and there she is ... Mami is at home!! She's back from the hospital ... oh, I'm glad to see her ... she looked skinnier but still pretty and smiley as always. I called her Mami because that's how Spanish people call a lady ... She got heart attack and went into comma about 5 months ago ... so happy to see her back home, I kissed and hugged her ... She's really resembling my great grandma, maybe that's why I call her Mami while the other girls call her Mrs. Martinez. We chit chat for more than 30 min, poor Cookie .. he's waiting downstairs painfully ... sorry babe ... then I said bye and told anong the good news ....

What a day .....

On top of that, I got an email from mom ... I always love to get emails from mom eventhough she replies in a week, duh mom ... so rellying on my brother just to hit CONNECT and SEND button. I just reread it again ... and the bottom part just makes me so warm this whole day ....

Sayang dari mama ....
mama telah dan akan sering memelukmu dalam pikiran dan visual ...
did u ever feel it ? Right now I do it again, at 10.40 am (21 / 3) ........
See You soon .....

Always mother, ... always .......

"Smile though your heart is weary"

Sometimes things are complicated, one after another. Do we have control in our destiny? I just got an email from Bill, broken hearted .... his gf in China married another guy ... He put on hope and dream to build life together ... and then one day .. * bam * it crushed. I can list a few example of friends but I think it's rather personal ... so I just leave it alone. Even I am not content for what I am going through now ... why is that so? Things are not happening as I plan to, but life goes on and I got to do what I got do ...

Speaking of faith, I do believe God has His own way to show us the incredibly way of life through pain ... I'm not so into people who say "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger". It's not totally true I think, but there is a sense of truth in it. Btw, say that to Saddam .... * wonder what he'll answer *

When I sit in the train ... I look on people's face and trying to figure out what they do for living, are they happy? are they stress out? When I deal with customers, it's funny that I have mix reactions ... Some people are extremely nice, and some people are just assholes ... When these people acting up, I just try to be emphatical and think that they must have been in a situation that make them cold-hearted... unsatisfied living condition, problems in life ... etc.

This one guy, .... he was yelling at me because I raised my voice after he asked me the same question three times in a row ... he said I gave him an attitude ... you know what .. I don't give you attitude unless you give me one ... . He said .. "Yo, don't give me attitude, .. I'm not fucking stupid ... " hahahahaha ... well you know what .. I think you're fucking stupid ... you asked me exactly the same question three times, mister wize-azz. And then this lady that gave me a freezing cold looking ... no thank you what so ever ... oh well, maybe she got pre-menapouse syndrome.

But there are also nice people .. like this guy who came upon with a sparkly eyes ... and then after 5 minutes staring at me he said ... you have such a pretty smile ... * blush * ... thank you, sir. Then another one who suddenly spoke to me with a straight face .. "What with the smile?" .. I didn't even realize that I was smiling ... I said ... "I can't smile?" ... he replied with a big smile on his face, "You sure can, God knows we need more people to smile around here" ... * damn, I thought he was offended or something ... * If a big black guy speaks to you like that, ... well ... you don't want to mess up with him ...

New Yorkers are rude, but still they love to see a nice warm smile ... especially now. War on terror on all national TV ... live show of American attack in Baghdad, continued with Saddam speach on Iraqi TV. He says he'll do everything to defend his nation ... damn right he will .. I won't critize Bush ... he's just so full of it. I don't get it and I might never get it ... but he starts his mission anyway ... Here is another history in life ... ain't nothing I can do 'bout it ... maybe it's just the way it has to be. I feel so bad with the soldiers that go to the battlefield, they're so young ... around 20 to 24 yo ... MTV had their reporter sent to Kuwaiti desert and interviewed those soldiers ... innocent faces drafted in the name of patriotism ...

Oh .. speaking about soldiers ... they are blogging too .. US Military has banned the server because the blogs might indicate something crucial revealed to enemy lines. Yes erly, they do make blog ... but they also have to go to war. Unfortunately ...

"Father Figure"

I'm an emotional person ... not the kind of shy and quiet person ... but not the one who always speaks out loud either. Put it this way .... I'm in between.... I observe and able to switch from quiet to loud in a second when the moment suits me. Somehow the process of maturing has changes my personality more or less. Natural traits and environment influence have been affecting my capability to control my emotion.

I get angry easily ... but I get over it in 5 minutes ... really ... is it good? is it bad? both ways ... I guess it's bad in the way that I flip so easily .. and it's good that I don't carry any baggage ... I usually end up regreting what I said or did in a split second, and if I realized I was wrong .. I came to the person and apologize, sincerely. This is one thing that I learned over year .... cause it's pretty embarrassing to admit that I'm wrong ... One day it came across my mind, that I would be so low for not being able to stand up and admit that I was wrong. It's always easier to walk away ... but again I'm dealing with what kind of situation??

I don't understand some of my friends who can remain calm in any given situation, and that point on I learn from them ... I admire those people who have patience as deep as the Pacific Ocean, cause I don't. In the final fight, I always lose the battle with them ... cause I'm losing the opponent to trigger my anger. Nothing stops me like a calm soothing voice with the eyes of understanding ... that's it .. I'm done right there.

I once had a big fight with dad ... it was way over board .. being his daughter that inherits his emotional trademark, .. I couldn't help but to fight back, ... and on that moment, I knew ... I don't care who you are .. you don't treat me like shit .. if I know I'm right. I was always afraid of him .... he loves me and wants to protect me and raged at the moment .. but love means not mistreating the person you care. He was hurt, not expecting that I would fight back .. and I was hurt too .. but I came up to him next thing in the morning to apologize ... I told him, I promised myself you won't hit me anymore, I'm a grown up daddy .... You hit me once when I was 14 yo for something that I didn't do wrong, just because you were stressed out with work. How my heart aches but I let you get away with it .... I promised myself, nobody, nobody will ever hit me like that again ...

Till these days, that event carries on ... I have remorse .. but I'm glad I did it, cause a promise to myself is stronger than anything else. Later on mom told me that he had a mixed feeling .. he's hurt in a way but he also respects me. He knows I'll stand up for myself .. even when he's not around to protect me.
He has changed so much now .. through a lot and a lot of meditation ... and I know I carry that genetic of being hot-blooded in every inch of me, and I'm trying to control it. I learn something and you learn something too ....

When I was little ... we had a routine to say "I love you" right before I went to bed .. and it was a habbit that you want us, your children to do .. I'm far away from you, pa ... and don't doubt in a single bit that I love you ... love you ... love you ... miss you in my own way that you might not understand. I couldn't talk to you more than 5 minutes straight over the phone, ... I couldn't hang out with you as much as I wanted to, cause I always feel awkward ... But I love you pa, ....... all the things you've teached me .. I look up on you ... on the strength and the courage you have as a man
Happy Birthday, daddy .... I wish I could be there to give you hugs and kisses. Love, your daughter.

"Wrong Traffic"

I started this blog merely for me to put my mind in a "written" form of my scrambling thoughts. I wasn't into the fancy stuff for others but for myself, to keep on my journal nice and memorable to read. Maybe something silly or unimportant but necessarly crossed my mind and made me happy just to put it down. I'd like to share my thoughts with some people, .. guess it's a symbol of expression.

A coincident happened when I found sLesta's site. She introduced me to a new way of blogging, reaching broader "virtual" community and basically more traffic * thanks, girl :D *. I found wonderful people whose blogs I link on the left panel and some more to go ... I haven't got a chance to put it down. These people are interested in reading blogs and sharing thoughts ..

But apparently, I've been attracting the wrong traffic, ....just because merely I put down this words: I*n*u*l D*a*r*a*s*t*i*t*a. People type her name in Search Engines and got into my web .. oh boy, something that I'm not proud of. Go ahead try it on MSN or Yahoo!.
So this post is for clarification: She doesn't have website!! Go find her mpeg in Kazaa. If you're lucky .... then you'll find it. It's only 5 secs ... gosh.

Leave me in peace now.

"Nuansa Malam"

Aku jenuh banget seharian ini, karena nggak keluar rumah sama sekali .. tadi males banget mo keluar, dingin'e rek .. nggak bisa tidur juga seharian, kusangka bakal gampang .. ternyata ora iso turu sampe jam segini. Aku percaya di dunia ini ada 2 tipe manusia: night person ama morning person. Lha kalo aku emang night person, apa salah ... apa dayaku ... lha wong Tuhan nyiptain aku gini. Lagian apa-apa itu kan selalu ada balancenya ... kayak yin yang (simbol Chinese yang bulet itu). Kalo semua orang bangun pagi ... pedagang nasi liwet di depan Simpang Lima yang bukanya jam 2 malem nggak ada yang beli dong .... padahal lagi enak2e ... * kangen berat nasi liwet Yu Nah *

Soalnya dari SMP juga tidur malem, kalo bangun pagi susaaaaaaaah banget ... Mbak Sri sampe bolak balik 4 kali ... tobaaat kata dia * hehehe *. Makanya aku bete banget kalo disuruh bangun pagi2 .... Aku sebel banget sama yang nyiptain peraturan mesti sampe di sekolah jam 7 pagi .... ya mbok diundur sak jam meneh kan yo rak popo toh. Aku kadang nggak sabar jadi dewasa ya karena salah satu hal itu ... kalo jaman SD, SMP, SMA itu kan aturan dah baku. gelem ngene .. rak gelem yo ora iso sekolah ...

Waktu kuliah di Bandung semakin menjadi2 deh begadangnya ... tapi mbok bapakku yo wes ngerti kok, lha wong aku ama papa berdua hobby nonton ketoprak humor ampe malam .. sambil aku cekakak cekikik .... paling hobby kalo liat Basuki ngomong yen tak pikir-pikir dengan gayanya yang yak yak'o kuwi. Dah wes, ora terkontrol ... sesoke mama ngomel2 sayang ... "aduh nok, kowe ngguyune kuwi kok heboh banget ... tapi mama seneng kok kalo di rumah ini ada tawa, rumah jadi rame". Sampe terakhir kemaren pas liburan pulang, akhirnya daku berhasil nonton sekali doang!!, masih sama dengan trademark cekakak cekikik itu. Besoknya mama bilang "kadang kalo malem, mama kangen dengar ketawamu .... tapi Tata nggak di sini" (aduh bunda tercinta, .. aku juga sering rindu belai halus tanganmu).

Entah kenapa aku lebih suka belajar malam ... apalagi kalo dah ujian, selalu sistem semalam suntuk. Malam itu lebih tenang, nggak hiruk pikuk ... kayaknya aku punya dunia sendiri, untuk konsentrasi dengan apa yang kukerjakan ... less distraction. Semua2 juga lebih cepet masuk ... paling kalo udah bete banget belajar, keluar sebentar ke kebun belakang ... sambil ngeliatin bulan atau nyoba2 nebak rasi bintang ... Semakin banyak bintang di langit, semakin lebar senyumku dan tentram hatiku .... kok kelihatannya sepele sekali ya?? ... tapi kalo kita tinggal di kota, susaaaah banget liat bintang. Makanya pas jalan2 ke Bandung-Puncak, bareng anak2 94 dulu jaman2 kuliah, ... aku dengan sebodo amat .. ngelongokin kepala keluar jendela mobil berusaha ngeliat bintang ... lumayan banyak sih...

Tapi pengalamanku ngeliat bintang yang paling heboh di Lombok, ... waktu itu liburan sekeluarga di pulau terpenciiiiil banget, punya temen papa, yang "resort" nya terbuat dari bambu dan gedheg .. alias rumbai2 gitu doang ... huehehe... persis kayak di film Blue Lagoon. Mandinya juga aneh karena kadar garam di air tinggi sekali, sabun kan bereaksi dengan air garam jadi nggak ada busanya sama sekali. Malemnya, kita semua dinner nyantap lobster yang harganya cuman Rp 5.000,- sepotongnya ... murah abis deh, ... sampe heran ... di ruang induk yang sederhana banget dengan tv kecilnya. Sudah itu kita semua jalan2 di pinggir pantai, ... yang notabene agak2 gelap total ... soalnya adanya cuman obor2 yang dipancang beberapa biji di deket pondok. Mama papa jalan berduaan ... widihhh ... sementara kita berempat lari2 sendiri kayak anak ayam .. terus pas aku udah deket ke pantai ... wouuwwwww, aku bener2 ternganga ... literally ... jaw-dropping moment ... begitu banyaknya bintang saling berhimpitan di langit!!!! Bukan seribu atau dua ribu ... tapi bener2 langit penuh bintang semua .... Oh my God .. indaaaaaah banget. Mereka semua berlomba2 untuk bersinar .... nggak ada jewelry yang bersinar secantik itu. One day, one day ... I'll come back .....

Malam memang punya keindahannya tersendiri .....

"double ad??"

aku kayaknya menuh2in server Pyrad .. jadi sekarang di punish pake ad banner 2 ... adoooh, kalo gue lagi nggak bokek ... mau aja bayar blog yang ad free, tapi ini asli lagi bokek. Mo bayar rent bulan depan aja pusing ... parah banget deh bokeknya. Nggak enak banget ... aku bingung kalo ngeliat blognya anak2 laen yang pake host kayak tripod ato geocities, tapi kok dengan format blog. Apa bisa toh dibikin gitu ..?? Ada yang tau nggak ... bete ngeliat ad blink-blink mlulu ...

~~~~~~~~~ Okke emang oke ... (sambil gaya ngacungin jempol) hehehe ~~~~~~~~~~

"Religion and Spirituality"

Red: You need an open mind to read this, if not .. then stop, go somewhere else.

Sometimes I asked myself .. am I a religious person? probably not ... I hardly pray unless I'm in the mood of it. I hold a religion, but I don't really practice it so much. My parents never make it such a big deal what religion I am going to hold.They gave me liberation to choose what belief I'll follow. I went through a lot of phases of this religion thingy .. Christian, Catholic, Moslem, Buddhism .. never Hindhuism, since I probably didn't get much influence of it, though I'm quite interesting somehow.

When I was 5 yo, I went to a Christian school, so my teacher made me go to Sunday School, which I kinda enjoy ... because I could use a nice dress and meet up with all of my friends, and the music was loud and happy, with a lot of clapping. Then I could get to hear some stories from the Bible with great presentation of sticky pictures on the board and animated sound. Afterwards, we could get to play games by looking for verses in the Bible, and whoever found it first was the winner of a bag of biscuits and candies (simple but work all the time).

Then it's time to say goodbye to elementary school. I was accepted in the most outstanding private school in the city, which happened to be a Catholic school (that was the best of the best school I've always have fond of). It has a big church on the front side of the my school, probably the biggest in the city, people call it Cathedral Church. The school only teached Catholic as religion subject, so I get in-depth to it, had no choice ... and as sometimes after school, I could hear people having Mass were chanting in a such soothing melody. I got interested to experience what's inside the church. So I went there on Sunday with my best friend, Bertha, who was Catholic by no choice a.k.a born baptised (ojo ngamuk yo ndit .. hehehe .. )

Time to move on from wonderful school, I picked a Catholic school again for my secondary high school. I still went to the church, but only once-in-a-blue-moon. I remember going to the Chrismas Night Mass with my gf Irma at her church in Atmodirono just because I thought that was cool and holy * wooowww, that was lame but innocent :P~~ *. Along with us was Mas Doddy and Debby, she's an exchange student from I don't remember where ... some white girl. So they picked me up and I was contented enough to find out what it felt like to be in the church at midnight. But that was it, ... the first and the last Christmas midnight Mass for me.

When I had a bf, he was a Moslem ... it was never a big deal to me that our religion was different. I had a lot of bestfriends that happened to be moslems and they were cool as hell. He asked me couple of times if I wanted to become a moslem, and I wasn't so sure .. but hey, I could give it a try .. who knows this is the end of my long last searching? But again, he didn't practice his religion as well ... so I didn't bother to learn either ... we broke up anyway. In college, I met a guy that later became my bf and he's Moslem too ... but, this one is more religious (Oo ..). So the same question poped up again ... and I said okay. So I was kinda trying to find out how I could learn about Islam .. I happened to live by a mosque Istiqomah (it's like .. in front of my boarding house). I walked in the gate and looked for any human being around ... then I saw a lady there, so I said hi and told her that I wanted to learn about Islam. She was so happy and gave me sorta of booklet ... then we chit chat a little bit and I said bye. I read it ... but couldn't really get it in my mind. So I asked my bf, but he said he couldn't help teaching me .. He said I should learn by myself ..... (??????). Then I was like ... whatever ... you're the one who suggests and you don't even help me ... I gave up knowing that it was not going to work for me or him.

I had a crush on a Balinese guy when I was in Bandung, I used to sit in his room and asked him if he would like to pray so I could watch (but he said he was to shy). I argued by saying "Why would you have to be shy for doing something good?". He didn't buy a word I say .. hah .. (Oh, btw, Balinese identics with Hindhuism). So I bugged him with questions. He had this religious calendar hanging by the door, written in Sanskrit. I was like ... "What does this symbol means? Is this a holiday? What's the holiday celebrating for? .. bla bla bla". He was kindly answered all of my questions, but my adventure of exploring another religion was only going that far.

My parents are Buddhist, very dedicated one ... started with my dad. Every year there is always a Vesak Celebration in Indonesia that held in Borobudur, and mom always asked us along to join and stay in Mendut for couple of days. My dad always participates in the event as either Chief or Second Chief or Ceremony Chief year by year. I always enjoy seeing him on the field of Borobudur preparing for the ceremony. I get the special treatment to walk around anywhere just because people know he's my dad .. (hahaha).

The thing was I didn't go to this event every year, .. as a teenager, I didn't feel like hanging out with my parents so much, so I could always make up excuse with some school work or whatever, but instead I just hung out with my friends. Apparently they never pushed me to ... and after two years in a row missing the event, I kinda miss it. I missed to hear the chanting lightly flow in the air under the extraordinary full moon. FYI: Vesak is celebrated each year as a ceremony of the Birth, Enlightment, and Death of Buddha, when the moon is the fullest of the whole year. (Yes, it's kinda amazing that Buddha had the same date for all that three events together!!)

It was that moment ... looking at the moon, with its brightest glow, I knew what I want .... You know when you know it.

Then again, I don't feel like I'm a good example of a buddhist ... I don't practice my religion in the right manner. I'm more into what's touching my heart ... I read many literatures and find the best of each religion to pick as a guidance. I like spiritual reading, one of my favorite is Anthony de Mello, SJ (his book: Awareness, Doa Sang Katak), a Jesuit pastor, a great spiritualist that has opened my eyes with his great story of different religions.

I observe people and I find that I can't generalized the relationship between religion and individual manner. I've seen so many people distorted with the idea of God and religion ... my God, your God, ... give me a break, .. don't try to describe "your God" to me ... you just ruin it. If you are happy with it, then I'm happy for you, but I'm not going to listen to your propaganda. The minute you use "My" in front of the "God" ... I'm outta here. It crossed my mind that if all religions claim that the only way to go to heaven is through their religion, then everybody's going to hell since there is no ONE religion on earth. * right? *

As a human being, we always have the need to be in touch with our Higher Power, the heart is longing to find our existence in the world. I've seen so many people transformed into a new person by their religions. The cold hearted, the suffered, the hopeless ... touched by an angel. And I do believe in God, ... cause how can a tree grow? how can a baby made by eggs and sperm? who can make blood? ......... even Discovery Channel can't explain how and why.
But again there are people who don't believe in God, like my Russian friend (no wonder why). I saw this movie "Contact" by Jodie Foster(Dr. Eleanor Ann 'Ellie' Arroway) and Matthew McConaughey (Father Palmer Joss) at this part of their interesting conversation.

Ellie doesn't believe in God and she challenges Palmer to prove the existence of God. Courtesy of IMDB

Palmer Joss: "Did you love your father?"
Ellie Arroway: "What?"
Palmer Joss: "Your dad. Did you love him?"
Ellie Arroway: "Yes, very much."
Palmer Joss: "Prove it."
Ellie Arroway: * speechless *


If you believe in God, try to guess this riddle:

What is greater than God?
What is more evil than the Devil?
The poor has it, the rich needs it, and if you eat it, you'll die ...

"Random"

I was in the mood of writing a lot of things, but when things get too much, my mind became a cable television. I flipped around from one channel to another without any particular show I wanna watch. So that was the story. I couldn't make up my mind on writing something solid, everything was blurry and I couldn't convince myself this would be a good storyto remember, ... so I typed, read, deleted ... typed again, read again, deleted again ... * it happens a lot , crap .. :P *

For the start, I just changed the links on the left ... Bali bombing ceremony in WTC, New York (when the hell is this happened? So lack of information .. I wish I could be there, I miss the sound of gamelan sometimes). Then, input link of Kazaalite, instead of Kazaa which is full of banner. I was curious about this dangdut singer, I*n*u*l D*a*r*a*s*t*i*t*a, who has a "drilling bootie-shake" (yeeeaaahhh ...indeed). Finally found the some mpeg files of her infamous shake in Kazaalite. I was cracking up when I saw it ... And the last one I changed was a site, MBA Finder, for students seek higher education in USA. It was actually managed by my friend, Sunny from my Fall internship in NYSE last Fall. Probably helpful for some fella students.

Gosh, I miss the buffalo chicken wings with blue cheese dipping that Kelly makes in the basement of nyse, it was slamming!! . He stuffed some wings inside my lunch bag sometimes so I don't have to pay for them. * lucky me *, and the mocca yoghurt ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on top? .. aaarrrghhh. I get weak on my knees.
Pull yourself together sista!



Oh, btw .. If you think you are smart ... Can you name Seven Wonders of the World ??
I can only get two right!! I asked three intelligent people. None couldn't get it right.
They're not what you think ... Niagara falls?? eeekkkk.
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