Being a Mother

It's not as easy as I thought. That's why it's noble thing. It's definitely a 24/7 job, no day off, I can't even recall the last time I had a 6-hour sleep. An 8-hour sleep? Foggetaboutit .. that would be a miracle. I am lucky to have a straight 3-hour sleep. There were times that I was so down ... partly because I hate being bothered while I'm sleeping. But no I can't argue with a 1 month-old sweetheart .. he's a lil monster by ear but a lil angel by eyes.

The fact that I'm craving for sleep, it's kinda funny that if he doesn't make any sound for every 2 or 3 hours, I would bug him just to make sure he's breathing ... and I do miss grabbing those chubby tiny fingers ... kissing his hanging cheeks .. and feel his warmth body against mine.

Sometimes we would fall asleep with him on top of me and I got stiff neck because I wouldn't be able to move for the next 2 hours. But it was the best feeling in the world. His small body warms my skin, but especially my heart. Cause you're so close to me baby ..

It's a Boy

I just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Dylan on November 22. He's healthy and growing so much now. The birth process was not easy. 24 hours labor was so painful, but thankfully I survived the worst and now starting to enjoy the joy and (pain) of motherhood. hehe ..

All that matters now is that he's healthy and growing good, mentally and physically. Mom is terribly tired. Dad too. He's been a great and paranoid father all at the same time. Later on I could laugh at him, and he thought he was laid back .. not so much anymore. Terribly nervous when the baby cries, or cough or peeling skin. So much with the aggrevation, I took him to the doctor with me and confront his concerns. As I thought, doctor was on my side, there's nothing to worry about. He's happy .. but I'm more happy. Stop bugging me darling ... your son is just fine.

I'm recovering from post-partum day by day, with the help of my wonderful mom and outstanding husband. I felt lucky, eventhough I got the effect of baby blues a little bit for the first week. Maybe because the delivery wasn't so easy and my body took it very seriously. I was so swollen, my feet grew twice their size, thanks to the enormous IVs they put on me. My incision hurt like hell, and not to mention my feeling was bruised because I felt that I wasn't strong enough. I thought everything was going to be "normal", but I went through a lot, from the premature rupture, stop of dilation, fever, oxygen mask, 3-shots of epidural, c-section and the baby being in NICU.

I remember nurse Kelly said, "Don't worry sweetie, it's only gonna get better".

Almost Midnight

I was so tired but now I am worried. I am waiting for him to come home ... safe. It's almost midnight and I feel like my heart is falling out of place.

You know the problem with loving too much? attachment ..