Without Fear

Lately I've been contemplating. As much as I want to write on this blog or my children's blogs, I can't seem to find the time to do it. It's only after 1 AM when everybody's tucked in bed, then I can spare me some "me" time. And sometimes writing is not on the top of my list anymore.

But anyhow I've been thinking about this. Anton just had a surgery (Oct 15) and I had c-section on Aug 16. So we both pretty much injured parents right now who have to take care of 2 young kids. We can't pick up Dylan anymore, well I tried and then my incision hurt like hell. Certainly not for anton who just got the fresh cut.

Anton was worried that he can't get back to work sooner. He's worried that he might lose his job if he's taking too much time off. I told him he shouldn't be worried, cause he got skills and he's good. Worst case scenario, he'd find another job.

When I told him not to worry, it just occured to me .. How easy life is if you live without fear.
I'm not talking about my surrounding, but mentality, inside.

Saat kita tidak punya rasa takut, pikiran kita tenang.
Takut tidak bisa membesarkan anak2 sendiri.
Takut kecapekan, takut kewalahan ..
Setelah dirasakan lagi, takut atau nggak takut, proses kehidupan itu tetap akan berjalan kok.
Karena tanpa rasa takut, kita siap, kita bebas, merasa superior atau percaya diri.
So, don't be afraid .. you're ready for this.

True Love

My ideal view of true love is well, ideal. True love means it's tingling all over when you see the one. It has to be romantic, heart wrenching moment. It supposes to take my breath away.

:)

There's nothing wrong to it, is it?
Over the year, I accept what I had, have and don't have in regards of love.
I still have my ideality and therefore resentment for what I could've, would've and should've.

Do you know how your mind justify your opinion regardless of others? But when the right words come out, you don't have any more place to argue the essence of truth that it brings.

An email came from mom today.
This is what it says:

- HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.



He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.



On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.



The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'


I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

Not romantic? ... I think it is romantic.

I wasn't thinking too much about true love when I read this. But I was thinking about my son, the one who's been getting on my nerve and driving me to the brink of sanity. Then my husband, the one who's not perfect nor romantic but always responsible in supporting this family. Then my baby girl, the one who just came to this world and fully depend on my presence from the moment she opens her eyes till she closes them. And mom, who just came here to be on my side during the labor. And papa, my father in law, who made sure there was always food when I got home. and more ...

TRUE LOVE IS AN ACCEPTANCE OF ALL THAT IS, HAS BEEN, WILL BE AND WILL NOT BE.

To accept it as it is.