Half happy, half restless
Recently I've been sleeping late again, like 4 am which I think is pretty bad. The thing is I don't really have anything to do right now. My day is filled with cooking and cleaning .. damn, I do enjoy it but somehow I sound like a house wife, and I'm not!! I called mom the other day and she wanted me to help her with some stuff for the office. Making new system that computerized the company my mom runs. I think it's excited and I have to go back to my place soon and start working on the project. I've been in An's house for the last couple of days. I like to be here but I think I have to go back on my own sanctuary. To have my own little space to work on and do something about my life. The thought of not getting a job in this downturn economy is scaring me since I'm running out of money. Mom offered to send money but I would try my best not to.
Besides that, I think my brain is too full with romantic ideas about marriage, or maybe my biological clock is ticking?? I'm not asking for a fancy wedding party .. all I need is someone to have a life together. It's actually better to have someone besides you than walking this life all alone. And I love to have a baby called my own. I'm smoking too much again .. got a sore throat .. I need to plan my life responsibly. Why? Because IT'S MY LIFE!! Like my professor asked me .. "Do you have the right to waste your life?" I thought .. yes I do .. but the more appropriate question is perhaps "DO I WANT TO WASTE MY LIFE?" And that I know the answer for sure ..
Off to bed ....
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Saturday, January 04, 2003
What I learn from a fish
I look at the aquarium, and that little blue fish lays eggs again, the fifth time in a month I think ... That little mother stays close to the baby eggs for all time. She is so protective that everytime other fishes come closer, she will bump them with her red mouth, look angry and try hard to move them further. She has this invisible aggresive aura that makes her stay close to the eggs.
I think it's kinda funny and it crossed my mind, that God somehow grants every living being with certain traits naturally ... I said "living being" ... cause human is not the only God's creature that given natural instict.
By the way, I wonder if I watch too much Discovery Channel ... :P~~~
That's it for now, ... off to watch body reconstruction.
I look at the aquarium, and that little blue fish lays eggs again, the fifth time in a month I think ... That little mother stays close to the baby eggs for all time. She is so protective that everytime other fishes come closer, she will bump them with her red mouth, look angry and try hard to move them further. She has this invisible aggresive aura that makes her stay close to the eggs.
I think it's kinda funny and it crossed my mind, that God somehow grants every living being with certain traits naturally ... I said "living being" ... cause human is not the only God's creature that given natural instict.
By the way, I wonder if I watch too much Discovery Channel ... :P~~~
That's it for now, ... off to watch body reconstruction.
Friday, January 03, 2003
First set on 2003
Hello New Year ... it doesn't feel much of a difference ... btw I passed the New Year's eve alone .. well, hell .. I was literally alone .. I couldn't wait to taste the champagne and I was a lil upset with him .. When everybody got home, we drank the champagne with a lil tragedy .. Oh boy, I was crying on the first day of 2003. Maybe I miss my mom a lot and I have spent most of New Year's eve with my family. Kinda feel a lil childish though ..but I look pretty when I cry (according to raja) cause I have that twinkle in my eyes .. haha.
Waiting for my grade is painfull ... I just want to finish my school. Is that so much to ask?? Freaking BUS class had killed me over the semester and lot of arguments and fights ... I feel kinda crashed with that.
Well despite all of my grouchiness, I really think 2003 could be a different start for me, especially in my love life. My bf is wonderful and I love him more each day ... I hope everything goes well and we can plan something real for the summer .. it will be perfect if mom's coming to visit!! WHOO YEAAA! ....
Oh yeah, I think I really love my gf Gisela ... we connect in a strong non-dependent bond. I mean we are not clingy to each other and can always rely on each other's helpful hand. Now I feel like I really should get in touch with Irma again .. but she's not so internet savvy ... cah kesed :P~~ I really miss her. I hope she can send me her baby's picture.
Hello New Year ... it doesn't feel much of a difference ... btw I passed the New Year's eve alone .. well, hell .. I was literally alone .. I couldn't wait to taste the champagne and I was a lil upset with him .. When everybody got home, we drank the champagne with a lil tragedy .. Oh boy, I was crying on the first day of 2003. Maybe I miss my mom a lot and I have spent most of New Year's eve with my family. Kinda feel a lil childish though ..but I look pretty when I cry (according to raja) cause I have that twinkle in my eyes .. haha.
Waiting for my grade is painfull ... I just want to finish my school. Is that so much to ask?? Freaking BUS class had killed me over the semester and lot of arguments and fights ... I feel kinda crashed with that.
Well despite all of my grouchiness, I really think 2003 could be a different start for me, especially in my love life. My bf is wonderful and I love him more each day ... I hope everything goes well and we can plan something real for the summer .. it will be perfect if mom's coming to visit!! WHOO YEAAA! ....
Oh yeah, I think I really love my gf Gisela ... we connect in a strong non-dependent bond. I mean we are not clingy to each other and can always rely on each other's helpful hand. Now I feel like I really should get in touch with Irma again .. but she's not so internet savvy ... cah kesed :P~~ I really miss her. I hope she can send me her baby's picture.
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