Half happy, half restless

Recently I've been sleeping late again, like 4 am which I think is pretty bad. The thing is I don't really have anything to do right now. My day is filled with cooking and cleaning .. damn, I do enjoy it but somehow I sound like a house wife, and I'm not!! I called mom the other day and she wanted me to help her with some stuff for the office. Making new system that computerized the company my mom runs. I think it's excited and I have to go back to my place soon and start working on the project. I've been in An's house for the last couple of days. I like to be here but I think I have to go back on my own sanctuary. To have my own little space to work on and do something about my life. The thought of not getting a job in this downturn economy is scaring me since I'm running out of money. Mom offered to send money but I would try my best not to.

Besides that, I think my brain is too full with romantic ideas about marriage, or maybe my biological clock is ticking?? I'm not asking for a fancy wedding party .. all I need is someone to have a life together. It's actually better to have someone besides you than walking this life all alone. And I love to have a baby called my own. I'm smoking too much again .. got a sore throat .. I need to plan my life responsibly. Why? Because IT'S MY LIFE!! Like my professor asked me .. "Do you have the right to waste your life?" I thought .. yes I do .. but the more appropriate question is perhaps "DO I WANT TO WASTE MY LIFE?" And that I know the answer for sure ..

Off to bed ....