"Can't Sleep"


I slept late and woke up early around 8, couldn't get back to the cozy warmth that I had. I felt in between, to sleep or not to sleep .. I chose the latter, so I made myself my fave espresso, Maxwell 1/2 decaff with 2 tbsp of condensed milk *wonderful choice*. Even Anton gets addicted to it and he's not even a coffee lover at all! I turn on the TV ... another news of War .. apparently this whole nation kinda stupid compared to New Yorker ...a poll indicates 63% people nationwide agree of US plan to invade Iraq, while only 39% people in NY agree to do so. How the hell am I gonna find a job here? America is not the same as before .. everything is so much tougher these days. So many people are going back to their home land, the US gov strictens the border to get here. How am I lucky to get a chance to be here and taste the bitter sweet of the Dream Land.

Sometimes I can't believe I'll be graduating soon, all the hard work, the pain, the struggle to get it done. I was crazyly enough to get out from my aunt's house and after the conversation that .. *we can't support you anymore* ... I walked out the door feeling like a free man and yet didn't know how I'm gonna survive to pay for my own school and rent. I worked my ass off to get all I needed .. pay school tuition in installment, try to study when I was dead tired, carry around my 5-pound textbook in my bag pack so I could read on the train. There were times I thought I'd rather die ... but I was to embarassed to die for nothing, so I thought if they say I won't make it .. I have to make it. Need a lot of encouragement from people ... my family at home, my friends, my customers. I didn't see my fam or friends a lot, so my customers were my refugee. They were like my friends ... no, they are my friends, ... Tamara, Ladine, Tina, Brenda, Lis, Lenny, Christine, Wings, Doreanne, Jas, Phylis, Cathrina, Marlyn, Cindy ... and I miss Tina's girls .. Briana and Annie .. Briana is warm and sweet and Annie is such a doll and extremely shy. Maybe I should call Tina just to say hi. Oh forgot Denise and family .. I listen to their story of life as they listen to mine when they come visit. How's Michele? Is she still in Rome with the Navy? Melissa still in Puerto Rico? What about curly Ceci .. is her black and blue eye okay now? and Tamara .. how's ur dad's surgery? ... ur all going for the cruise again this year? .. and Thea who showed up at store just to make sure I was okay after breaking up with Sean. All those lil conversation build up for two years and they're part of my life that I miss. They pat me on the back when I'm down .. gave me hugs and kisses ... how strangers could be closer than family. Different culture, different nationality .. doesn't matter.