Every Child needs a Grandma

Sometimes I don't know if I do the right thing. I'm not perfect, life is not perfect. And you have so many doubts in your life. Decision to make, options to choose, but the worst of all is guilt.

I miss my mom a lot lately. It's been like how long? .. 7 months. I call her almost every 2 days since the last month. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like I need to hear her voice. She's just a telephone away.

So there I go, .. feeding Dylan and talking to mom over the phone. A 10-minute plan always turns out to (at least) 45 minutes. If I have to name one best(est) friend in the world, I would say MOM. I can SMS her everyday and talk to her just about anything and it's just never hard to find any topics with her. I'm not bragging about how wonderful our mother-daughter relationship is. We disagree and we fight sometimes, and it's not a one-night process to build this kinda trust. Now that I'm a grown up, I could talk just about everything to her.

I don't know if it's the right decision to stay so far away from her. I have this funny feeling inside of me, a mellow sad kinda feeling ...

I picture her and me and Dylan having a lunch together, we are laughing. I have Dylan on my laps, then she said she wants to take over ... And there my boy, with his grandma, jumping on her lap. I can picture every single details of her facial expression, or the way her hands move, and the way she kisses Dylan. Love in her eyes, he wipes all the fears and troubles in her eyes. And I just sit there, still, wish I could freeze the moment on just that split second.

Is it intentionally cruel to separate a grandma from her beloved grandson?I mean, I have choices, and this choice is definitely not convinient for her. Her voice breaks down to cry on the phone whenever she says how much she wants to touch baby Dy. How jealous she is to my aunts or Oma here. I can't watch him grow, Ta .. and they can. And that's when the guilt strikes.

I always try to change the subject or I just say, mom, don't cry or I won't call you again. Of course that's bullshit. I will call her no matter what.
There are times, that things are not going perfectly well, and she shares it with me over the phone. And that's all I can do, just listening to her. I wish I could do more than that.


I'm just holding on to that phone, burning my ears from the heat of it. She's flooding herself out, and I just wait till she's finished. Dylan, who usually seeks for attention will just lay there, listening to me speaking to his grandma. And when he makes any sound, I will put the phone closer to him so mamie could hear Dy's voice.

Don't worry ma, he won't forget you. I'll show him your picture together. You, holding him when he was just born, you feed him in NICU, and you put him in your arms both looking so relaxed. He knows how much you love him, cause I'll tell him.

So come here again soon. I can't wait.