Discipline

What is more important? Now that my son is growing up more, I feel like totally lost on being a parent. I have to teach him to be a good person and nurturing him to let his emotional and physical grow, plus maintaining the balance of loving and discipline.
At this moment I'm totally lost. I feel like I don't have a guide yet for this stage of parenting skill. The baby also adds up to the total lost time to yet learn this new skill.
Sometimes when I'm mad at Dylan for messing stuff, I have this kinda out of body experience (or simply awareness) that in the next second, the decision that I'm gonna make will effect his emotional intelligence.

Am I going to get mad?
Am I going to stay cool?
Am I going to pretend it's not happening?

I usually get mad (because I think he needs to know that he's doing something wrong)OR ... I leave it off (because I think I'm tired and it's not worth the fighting).
However as I'm typing this right now, I realize that getting mad is certainly not the type of "discipline" that I'm aiming for him, rather than a form of destruction.

I want him to learn to do things properly, and while I'm trying to teach him that, I suppose I should learn to carry myself in front of him. The way I behave will significantly set an example how he will respond later on in life.

Because discipline is not the same as getting mad.
Discipline needs persistence, it's not the path of least resistance.
What a tough job motherhood is.

Thank God for writing, ... it certainly clears my mind :)