"Smile though your heart is weary"

Sometimes things are complicated, one after another. Do we have control in our destiny? I just got an email from Bill, broken hearted .... his gf in China married another guy ... He put on hope and dream to build life together ... and then one day .. * bam * it crushed. I can list a few example of friends but I think it's rather personal ... so I just leave it alone. Even I am not content for what I am going through now ... why is that so? Things are not happening as I plan to, but life goes on and I got to do what I got do ...

Speaking of faith, I do believe God has His own way to show us the incredibly way of life through pain ... I'm not so into people who say "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger". It's not totally true I think, but there is a sense of truth in it. Btw, say that to Saddam .... * wonder what he'll answer *

When I sit in the train ... I look on people's face and trying to figure out what they do for living, are they happy? are they stress out? When I deal with customers, it's funny that I have mix reactions ... Some people are extremely nice, and some people are just assholes ... When these people acting up, I just try to be emphatical and think that they must have been in a situation that make them cold-hearted... unsatisfied living condition, problems in life ... etc.

This one guy, .... he was yelling at me because I raised my voice after he asked me the same question three times in a row ... he said I gave him an attitude ... you know what .. I don't give you attitude unless you give me one ... . He said .. "Yo, don't give me attitude, .. I'm not fucking stupid ... " hahahahaha ... well you know what .. I think you're fucking stupid ... you asked me exactly the same question three times, mister wize-azz. And then this lady that gave me a freezing cold looking ... no thank you what so ever ... oh well, maybe she got pre-menapouse syndrome.

But there are also nice people .. like this guy who came upon with a sparkly eyes ... and then after 5 minutes staring at me he said ... you have such a pretty smile ... * blush * ... thank you, sir. Then another one who suddenly spoke to me with a straight face .. "What with the smile?" .. I didn't even realize that I was smiling ... I said ... "I can't smile?" ... he replied with a big smile on his face, "You sure can, God knows we need more people to smile around here" ... * damn, I thought he was offended or something ... * If a big black guy speaks to you like that, ... well ... you don't want to mess up with him ...

New Yorkers are rude, but still they love to see a nice warm smile ... especially now. War on terror on all national TV ... live show of American attack in Baghdad, continued with Saddam speach on Iraqi TV. He says he'll do everything to defend his nation ... damn right he will .. I won't critize Bush ... he's just so full of it. I don't get it and I might never get it ... but he starts his mission anyway ... Here is another history in life ... ain't nothing I can do 'bout it ... maybe it's just the way it has to be. I feel so bad with the soldiers that go to the battlefield, they're so young ... around 20 to 24 yo ... MTV had their reporter sent to Kuwaiti desert and interviewed those soldiers ... innocent faces drafted in the name of patriotism ...

Oh .. speaking about soldiers ... they are blogging too .. US Military has banned the server because the blogs might indicate something crucial revealed to enemy lines. Yes erly, they do make blog ... but they also have to go to war. Unfortunately ...