So I Met Them

Papa came on March 22. Mama and Di came on Apr 3. They spent the whole month of April here in NY. I was so happy, mostly for my husband and Dy. Aside that it was gonna be the first time for me to see my in laws, I wasn't nervous.

Miss you, always

These days, ... I miss Dy everytime I'm at work. More than ever.

He doesn't sleep on his own room. I just can't let him go out of my arms. We've been away all day long. The only chance we can be so close is at night time.
Curling up with him in my left arm (always) and a book in the other hand. Nonstop kiss on his forehead. Telling him a thousand times that I love him. Asking him to tell me that he loves me. "I wof you mama, I wof you papa". He wraps up my day in a sweet kiss on my lip.

Here I am, trying to type my heart out .. I look to my right, I see them both sleeping on the bed. Both look safe and sound under the pile of blankets, .. I have this warm feeling inside.

Tough Love

Do you ever realize that sometimes when you are being too nice, people treat you like shit?
I do ...
I learn that I'd like to be nice to people, but sometimes I got to be tough.
Because some people just take "niceness" for granted.

Listen to Your Heart

How many times in life you neglect what your heart tells you?
Many .. No doubt about that.

Sometimes, it really is hard to listen.
It's easier to argue, to justify, to compromise.

I don't know .. (wait, did I just say that?)
I hate when people answer "I don't know" when they actually know.
I hate the words "I don't know" said many times because I think it's an abuse for the meaning.
Confused? ...
Sometimes it's easier to say "I don't know" than to give the real answer.
It's an easy way out.

*Cathy ngeganggu gue, ... I can't concentrate on writing anymore*

Un Poco Habla Espanol

Sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that
All I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side

Aveces soy tan despreocupado
con una alegria que es dificil de esconder
Y aveces parece que
con solo preocuparme
Y entonces estás destinado a ver mi otro lado

Yeah, .. Me aprendia habla espanol

Awake 3 AM

I currently in love with Gwen Stefani song "Luxurious".
I can hear it over and over and move to the beat.
How a good song can really ease me up like that.

It's snowing again today. Outside.
I woke up feeling so hot, I went to the kitchen, and it's freaking cold.
I wonder why I always awaken at around 3 AM feeling hot.

In the background ... "working so hard every night and day, and now we got the pay back"
Seriously, I don't remember the last time I went dancing.
I miss dancing ...
I love dancing ..
I know I can't go to a club anymore.
Perhaps I should just join a gym .. hehe.

Duece

It's funny how I heard this simple truth from Duece Bigolow movie (*big grin*)

"If you make a woman feels good about herself, it doesn't matter what you have or don't have, she'll love you for you."

When I heard this, I wonder why men so hard to understand this simple truth.
It's the key to a woman's heart.

Obviously a man can do this when he tries to get the girl he wants. Pamper her, cherish her, do all the sweet little talk thing, be the strong protective guy. But after a long while, this wears off ... he forgets to pamper her the way it used to be.

And to the woman, she used to be this sweet little thing ... after a long while, she can't stop talking .. yeah, woman definitely can talk about anything, sometimes unnecessary.
LOL .. I wonder why?

Rambling

Work sucks today!!
I came an hour 15 min late because the alarm didn't go off.
Damn, I woke up wondering why the room looked so bright.
No wonder ...
Surely enough my bos said something .. duh.

Lately, I've been having this feeling to write a lot.
I'm seeking peace inside.
I found that in writing and solitude at times.
But with this schedule I can't stay up too late anymore.

I do have a mixed feeling ... happy and sad, tired and energized.
PMS is still weeks away, so I wonder why.
I miss mama .. I miss her thousand hugs a day thing.
Oh ma, ... nobody hugs the way you do .. Nobody.

I feel like crying right now .. huehehe ..

Palmistri

Do you believe in palmistri?
Those lines on your palm that don't seem to make sense.
It does for me, in one way or another.

My left hand and right hand have different lines. They are similar, but varies in length and curves. I know (from what I read) that the left hand represents your destiny, while the right hand represents the changes that you've made in your life and impact "your destiny". This rule works for the right-handed person.

In other words, ... you can "bend" your destiny. You can make adjustments on your fate according your way of life.

My LEFT LIFE LINE* is really long, meaning that I will have a long life but my RIGHT LIFE LINE (was) about 4 cm shorter. Surely I thought I would have long life, but probably my way of life wouldn't suit my fate accordingly (oh, boy).
Today as I stand up by the window in the kitchen, putting lotion on my dry hands, I can't help but notice that my RIGHT LIFE LINE grows about 1 cm longer (what did I do? .. Yeaaayy!!)

To add more to it, my DESTINY LINE, the one that runs straight across from the middle of my palm edge to the middle finger, was cut off with a space for about 1 inch. Now the gap is getting smaller. Hmm.. that's a good thing.

When it's all good, I DO BELIEVE IT.

That's why there is this saying: "You only believe what you want to believe". Oh so true in this case. hehehe ....

*Life line : the line that starts between your thumbs and index finger, usually curving down to the middle of your wrist.
*Fun test from Tickle: Palm Reading

Ied Fitri

HAPPY IED FITRI

MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN

May all beings be happy

-- 0 --

Back to Work

Wuiih, akhirnya after a long 2 years, I'm back to work.
I was so nervous leaving my lil brat with someone else for care, but finally anton and I could find the best solution.
Paginya aku kerja, dan papa yang jaga dylan. I'm outta work at 4PM, get home, and he'll go to work at 5 PM. Yah, ... untunglah this arrangement work. Lucky juga bisa dapet kerja yang accessible dengan kereta express, jadi cepet tripnya.

Today is actually the 27th. I have worked for 17 days, and I already lost 4 lbs (yeaaayy!!). Habis gimana, I have to always on the move. The great thing about where I work right now is that time flies so fast. It is a busy busy store, so pretty much I always have something to do. Maybe only some hours that just get by a little slow.

People at work are nice. Mostly, .. of course every now and then you can always find some biatchs (haha), but I think if I carry myself carefully and don't have to deal with them so much, everything's just gonna be fine.

I get the grasp of my job pretty quick. My manager seems pleased, .. surely I make mistakes here and there, anyhow I was in the learning process. It's also nice to have an Indonesian fella there. And she's damn cool. I love her, she's sweet, nice and independent. The kinda girl I like to hang out with. We can always talk about something during lunch hour, which is nice ...

I found some of the guys there like to flirt with me. I made sure everybody there knew I'm married and have a baby. That will stop them, hopefully. I mean guys are guys ... I just don't pay too much attention to them. But they are all are nice though, I mean in a polite way. They just like to tease but not touching. I hate it when man assumes that they can touch woman without her permission. That's crossing the line.

My feet hurt mostly cause my work requires standing most of the time, and I always find having a hot shower is really refreshing. It does help a bit, but sometimes my legs still feel kinda sore. No complaining, I get skinnier though ... hehe. I thought I'll be stuck with my ex-current weight.

I like going back to work. I meet new people, ... some nice some are pure nasty. But the former outnumbers the latter. And in the end of the day, I mean the week, .. I get paid :)

Fight

I had a fight with him. It was so bad and I regret it so deeply. I said hurtful things, things to hurt him, but in return it only hurted me more.
I'm too sensitive during my PMS period, every single things count. I knew it wasn't all truly his faults. As much as he got on my nerve, I did my part too.
I don't want to act crazy and depressed, it's just not my nature.
Yeah, it didn't even get my point acrossed.
We are two adults who should be able to talk it out.
I'm glad he listens to me though.
I know people don't really change, but hey .. I just want him to understand me a little bit. By now, I know that I love him more than I thought.
Mama said, Work with what you have, not what you don't have, Ta.
I do hope we'll still be holding hands when we're 80.

I'm this cheery, affectionate one and he's the cool, distant one.
In other words, we are a match made in heaven :)

All Weekend Long

Last weekend was reaaally nice. We went out to places with my uncle family. On Friday we went to Gantry Plaza State Park in Long Island City, .. wow .. I don't even know that such place exists in Queens. It's by the water so the view of Manhattan skylight was incredible, it's like right in front of your eyes. The industrial structure really makes it seems modern, the boardwalk and the water complement the design by making oh so not harsh. Dy was so scared walking on the boardwalk over the water. I figured he felt weird and unsteady ... but eventually he got the hang of it and would run around like crazy with his lil uncle.

I'm Mellow Yellow

I think the truest feeling that you'll ever write is when you don't really think what you're writing. You just sorta flow with your mind, your hands are non-stoply typing without hesitation. Right now, I stop. So I know my mind is not here.

I think the music bothers me, eventhough sometimes they do help. I don't know why sometimes I like to feel sad. I always picture myself as a "yellow person". Yes, I'm mostly happy with whatever I have and I always optimistic in my life. But at times, I do and need to feel sad, just to relieve my pain.

I think it's not right for people to build up pain inside them.

The other day I watched National Geographic about this guy who's done exorcism to at least 6000 people. He said the reason why the devil possessed them is because the pain and anger inside the heart. Those feeling give the evil a chance to attach itself to the human heart. Although somehow I think he's rather a scam, his argument does make sense.

I know exactly how it feels when I keep everything hurtful inside. To swallow the pain and be cool. Actually, .. it's not cool at all. No wonder people are getting crazier and crazier each day. Even with this knowledge, I still build things up inside sometimes. Norms, society, manner must be controlled.

I do envy to "Invisible People" who live in deep forest of Amazon sometimes. They must be stress-free and I bet none of them are manic depression or schichrophenic (I don't even know if I spell this right). I watched the movie "The Emerald Forest" in IFC yesterday afternoon and I couldn't take my eyes of it. It's not because a bunch of naked people walking around only covered with leaves, but the movie is really beautiful and so totally different from our city life.

Well anyway, I don't think I'd last a day in Amazon jungle unless I was born and raised there.

Dear Brother

Today I saw someone who looked like you.
He's in the car, just passing by.
I caught a glimpse of you in him.
You're fatter though! (hahaha ...*sorry, sorry*)
But Ndut, ... then I missed you so much.
I missed driving around with you.
Makan jagung bakar ..
Minum es puter ..
Ngudut2 di mobil sambil curhat,
Tiba-tiba Ndut, aku pingin cium pipi kapes2mu itu.
Meskipun aku selalu protes nek kowe mambu :)
Ndut, kayak apa ya kowe sekarang?
Ndak biasan'e aku kangen kowe.
Tapi hari ini ndak biasa Ndut ..
I love you.
Just in case you forgot.

Inspire

Sometimes I think misery, loneliness, and pain inspire more intriguing story than happiness.

My Superstar

I never felt a love this gentle and yet so strong at the same time. It's totally different than any other love I've ever had in my life.

When he lays his head on my arms, .. helpless, so sound asleep, I can kiss him over and over and over, and I never get tired of it. I look on his face, and there's heaven right there. Right in front of me. All I feel is calm, love and blessed.

I didn't fall in love all over the first time I saw him. I was too busy fighting the pain and the agony that I just went through. Yes, I've been waiting for him so long, dying to see his face and hold him, but it wasn't head over heel love.

When the pain starts to ease, I found myself wants to see his face all the time though. He didn't stay with me, so I had to find him, .. upstair. And even though getting there felt like somebody's tearing me apart, I couldn't resist the temptation.

It was then.
Now, ... he's my life.
He's everything I ever wanted.
He's my rock, my superstar, my brightest sunshine.

Every night I hold him, I pray to God.
Thankful in more than a lifetime for His generous gift to me.
My love, my life.
I've never been so happy in my life.

Sappy? .. I don't care.
This love is so beautiful,
You can't never know what it's like until you know it yourself.

I feel so free when I love him, without reservation.
I can give and give and give ...
without afraid of you taken it for granted.

Just be yourself, son.
I will love you forever and ever and ever.
You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
And I'm not saying just because I'm your mother.
Ok, maybe a little bit :)

I'll be your fierciest defend,
I'll be your loudest cheer,
I'll be your strength and wisdom,
I'll feed your hunger,
I'll nourish and rejoice your heart.
I'll brag about you,
I'll mend and kiss your boo boo.

If you ever mad at me, remember this.
You were cold, scared, confused.
And all you wanted was to be in my arms.

Don't forget .. just call me.
Mama ... that's all you have to say.

Saying the right thing - Priceless!

*another funny story from my dearest gf (thanks Sar!)
========================================

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...
what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after3 A.M., drunk and out
of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway, and got that
black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such
perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken table- $ 585.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.......
Priceless.

Don't dream it's Over

My head was spinning.
So many things going around.
I mean, I have limit, don't I?
I looked in the mirror, .. geesh honey, it's all nothing.
Look at me in the eyes.
Don't be such a wuss ..
You can complain, but not too much.
I hate people who complain too much.

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over just saved my day (yihaa .. LOL)

Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over ..
You know they come to build the wall between us,
you know they won't win.

It will be so much nicer if I can sing out loud now .. heh?
Don't push your luck baby.

Happy 2nd Mother Day, Mama

Dylan ... You amaze me, son.
You create a sense of surreality about my being.
I'm here in this world to create such a beautiful creature like you.
Everybody loves you (and if they don't, something's wrong with them! haha).
Wherever we go, people always smiling at you.
You attract people's sense towards you.

We were sitting in the subway across a sad-looking lady,
and slowly she moved next to us so she can chat up with you.
Longing to touch your darling little fingers,
absolutely fall for your big radiant eyes.
I can see her face gleams up as she waves bye bye to you on her 63rd Ave stop.

That construction guy on the street this afternoon telling me to take your picture,
you in buggy car with your basketball cap and giant Elvis google *smirk*.
He laughed when he saw you crossing the street, ...
"Take his pictures, he looks like the baby on TV".
He's tough alright, but he has a soft heart for you kiddo.

Dylan, .. my memory is short, far from perfect.
Everyday, each piece of the things that we've spent together fade away.
I want to forever remember your face squealing in laugh as I hold you up "flying"
by my feet. Under the sunlight ...
Just one piece .. I capture that moment in my mind.

In Buddhism say, when you die .. at the very moment you depart from this world,
the last thoughts that you have carry you on to the other world.
If it's a happy thought, you'll leave this world in good spirit, contentment.
If it's a sad thought, you'll leave this world in despair, misery.

Well son, ...
Your face in that sunny afternoon will be one of my ticket when my time is come.
Thank you for letting me to be your mother.

love, mama