Awalnya dari Camera

Aku lagi pengeeeen banget beli digital camera. Persiapan bok, persiapan .. bisa-bisanya di depan komputer berjam-jam cuman baca review dan compare products. Sampe mataku sakit, ... dodol kalo dipikir-pikir. Tapi gimana, .. habbit ... lagian kan sayang kalo beli barang elektronik yang mahal udah itu aku nggak suka. Beginilah kalo budget buyer .. hehe, well mungkin lebih bagusnya smart customer. Hihi ...

Benernya Ku tahu yang ku mau ... tinggal search cari harga termurah aja. Entah kenapa kok aku nggak sreg sreg banget beli lewat eBay. Menurutku setelah kena S&H harganya sama aja dengan harga toko. Belum lagi kalo mesti complain² ada problem, mungkin part of me masih "brick & mortar minded".

Dengan budgetku saat ini, dan priority on the image quality, kayaknya Canon Powershot A300 yang paling masuk kriteria. Dengan 3.2 Megapixel and 5.1 digital zoomnya, mana harga dibawah 200 bucks, what a deal!!

Dari yang pertama banyak option kayak Sony dan Kodak, masing² dengan scale dan pertimbangan tertentu, akhirnya pilihanku jatuh ke yang satu itu. Kalo nurutin keinginan semata, maunya pasti yang macem², tapi kita harus bisa kompromi sama keadaan.

Aku jadi mikir .. kalo kita ingin sesuatu .. bener² ingin sesuatu, kita akan persistent ngejarnya, nggak inget capek kadang ... taunya tiba² badan sakit nggak bisa digerakin (well, in this scenario at least *hehe*).

Tapi itu kayaknya value dari sebuah konsistensi dan persistensi (ada nggak sih istilah ini dalam bahasa Indonesia?). Ada harga yang harus dibayar ... tapi kita siap membayarnya. Dan yang penting, mantapnya itu lho!

Bad Dream

I woke up a little after 2 from a bad dream. I felt like I was on the gory streets, driving a pickup car, a bit lost .. I didn't want to continue my journey. Something told me not to pass through those streets, I made a U turn. Then all the sudden 2 old guys jumped in to the back of my car .. pounding on the glass window. They looked strong and vicious. Scarry ... I still can see it in my mind. But then I saw a young guy out of the corner of my eyes, on the side of my truck, following me, but those two scarry guys didn't seem to see him.

I have to wake up ... I just have to.

Is it symbolic? I don't know. I felt disturbed ...

Memori

Nggak ada manusia yang hidup tanpa memori. Memori adalah penggalan-penggalan cerita yang membentuk jalan hidup seseorang. Apa artinya dirimu kalau kau tak pernah ingat yang pernah terjadi di masa lalu?

I don't remember my childhood under 5. It's always a pleasure for me to dig it through mom. I'm quite amazed by her stories and sometimes I'd keep asking the same question over and over about my childhood. It does irritate her *grin*, but I just love it ..

Ada memori yang indah, ada memori yang menyakitkan. Itulah dua sisi kehidupan. Memori indah membuat kita kuat, tegar, dan ringan. It gives us hope. Anehnya, memori buruk lebih berkesan daripada memori indah. Padahal kita tahu, it despairs us.

Mungkin yang namanya manusia nggak bisa lari dari sejarah hidupnya, dipungkiri atau tidak. Setiap esensi "the past" is part of today and the future. You just can't get away with it.

In memoriam of Sept 11, 2001

End of Summer

New York mulai dingin lagi. I like that.
It never feels like I'm in NY unless it's cold.
Mungkin karena waktu itu winter ketika pertama kali aku menapakkan kaki ke kota ini.
Setiap winter selalu menghadirkan aroma yang sama.
Aroma? ya .. aroma udara kota ini.

Hari ini tanggal 1 September, Labor Day.
Hari yang menandai berakhirnya musim panas.
Dan entah kenapa di pergantian season ini, aku merasa gerah.
Sebentar lagi daun daun berganti warna, lalu berguguran.

Setiap musim kelihatannya membawaku mengenang ke masa lalu.
Dalam kilasan tersendiri.
Setahun lalu ... dua tahun lalu .. tiga tahun lalu ...
Dan ketika sedih melanda, aku biarkan saja.
Kuluapkan hingga habis.
Baru sesudah itu aku bisa mengenang yang manis.
Oh, sweet life ....

I don't understand

Why would anyone abuse a 3-year-old girl?
Starve her to death.
Change those bright eyes of her so shadowy and old.
She supposed to run around and laugh, not crying from hunger.

BlackOut

Thursday, August 14, 2003, the electric power down on the whole North East America + Canada. Around 50 million people out of it for about 16 hours, some less, some more. The greatest blackout history in North America. Mulai sekitar jam 4 lebih, tiba2 TV mati, .. aku heran ... lho kok tumben .. I thought it would be for 10 or mostly 30 minutes, but I turned out wrong.

I needed the AC more than anything else in the world right now. It was too damn hot for a pregnant woman to survive on the humidity and the heat of it. I don't think I am spoiled, I need it and I know I do. Hours passed by and I realized that I needed to get out of the house, try to find some comfort in the mall. I was thinking to stop by at Ryan's and play with my lil cousin. I had my non fancy 10-bucks phone, the one with no electrical plugs set up, cause the cordless was just dead. So I called over there. Apparently, no electric either there, I found out that the whole Manhattan and Queens got the power out. Ok, .. that was it, Queens Mall here I come. Well, well, .. a trip worth to save, the whole damn thing was dark too. Went back home, waiting for the sun to set and some mercy from the mother nature. Blow some wind please .... So there I was, sitting on my patio (thank God I have one) the whole time. A rush to the grocery store when Sur came back, got some cans of soups and cookies. Just in case....

I waited my hubby to get home, I was glad I got some phone calls from Tante Rin, she was walking on the Queensbridge with my hubby!! haha ... pretty amazing how they could bump on each other among those thousands people. I thought he would be home by 10 or something, but nope ... I was glad to see his face when he showed up at 8. Hungry as hell, we had dinner outside by the patio, and it's getting dark. It was fun though. When we're done, something was missing ... my Internet and his Cable TV. Thankfully, we got a battery-operated CD with radio. And I had those little crappy PC speakers I never threw. We sit by the patio and listening to the news. Then he said, "Kayak jaman2 PKI gini ya yang .. hehehe"

It was still too hot inside, so we just linger outside. And it was great to experience New York without a single light (except from the cars). Why? Cause when I looked up, I saw many stars in the dark. You'll never see stars in this city that never sleeps. So it was unsual. And despite my restless and sleepless night, God was pretty good to us. Everything was calm and kinda bright outside. As I wonder why, the moon was full with its silvery ray. So it was a damn hot night, but not really a dark one ...

"Terkenang"

Aku tadi jalan di sekitar Justice Ave, di bawah kuningnya sinar lampu malam.
Aku cuma mau beli sekotak susu buat Dylan.
Tubuhku semakin berat sekarang, dan itu yang membuat langkahku jadi lebih pendek dan perlahan.
Kusadari dari semakin jauhnya beda orang yang menyalipku.
Nggak ada lagi yang namanya jalan ala New Yorker, alias gerak cepat itu.
Dan langkahku yang tersendat itu justru tiba-tiba membuatku terkenang.
Aku terkenang malam-malam di daerah Mendut, biasanya menjelang Mei dengan adik-adiku.
Kami suka jalan-jalan di sekitar candi Mendut.
Rame-rame, sambil liat-liat kalo ada tahu goreng atau singkong yang bisa dibeli.

Di bawah lampu kuning remang-remang, dengan latar aspal.
Kenapa aku alami dejavu ini?
Lalu aku jadi bertanya, apa bedanya New York dengan Mendut kalo sudah begini?
Ternyata nggak jauh beda.
Apalagi ketika aku mendongak, di atas sana ada bulan penuh keemasan.
Cantik sekali.

How are you bros? I miss our childhood.

"His Pheromone "

Body odor is really a big thing ... for me.
Especially for my man ... he gotta smell nice.
And I'm not talking about a bunch of perfume sprayed all over ...
I'm talking about the mix of scents that the body produces with the perfume, deodorant, or any kind of artificial scent used.

I believe I'm not the only woman who experience this.
Tracing back ... I remember that I always go crazy with my lover's smell.
It's gotta be the smell, on the body, on the clothes, on the air when he stands close to me.

I recalled one guy who was really cute and head over heel for me, but I was never attracted to him.
No matter how hard he tried ... My friend called me a fool, but I just couldn't understand at that time, why I didn't even show the slightest interest to him. His smell was okay, but not good enough to induce me.

One time I read across an article about Pheromone and How It Affects on Human. I heard about the word pheromone thousand times ... but never really know what it is exactly. It was on Marie Claire, I don't remember what edition. It just explains mostly the mistery of my attraction or craziness toward smell.

What about when he's all sweaty? Does it still have the same seducing effect?? Well maybe .. but mostly no.
Cleanness is one major attribute to attraction. Stickiness really doesn't count, right girls? *wink *

I go crazy on my hubby's smell ... The smell of his neck, the smell of his old t-shirt ... the smell of the pillow that he sleeps on. The blend of his natural body scent and his perfume... mmmm ... it just makes me high, I'll be like .. aahhhhhh ...

So guys, ... go clean up yourself and ask your girls what kinda smell she likes on you. It doesn't always have to be an expensive perfume .. It just have to be the right scent! The most important thing is that, one scent could be the sexiest thing to girl A, but the other way around for girl B. The pheromone effect differs from one person to another. Well, you just have to find out the perfect ingredients.

Don't believe it?? Try it yourself.

"Males"

Akhir2 ini kerasa aneh, keinginan untuk update blog ini ada ... banyak yang protes kenapa aku sekarang hampir nggak pernah nulis lagi. Bisa sebulan sekali malah. Terkadang nulis sedikit, stop ... bosan ... nggak bisa nerusin lagi. Tiba-tiba aja aku berpikir, mungkin nasib postingan kali ini bakal sama seperti rekan-rekan terdahulunya. ha .. ha .. ha .. ya apa boleh buat kalo gitu. Atau kalau nggak bosan di tengah jalan gini, .. sering saat off computer, di pikiranku muncul ide tertentu, tapi begitu i sat my butt down dan mulai buka blogger ... everything's gone out of my head. Apakah semua proses inspirasiku itu menguap begitu aja jadi salah satu korban sel otak yang mati percuma. Intinya menurutku .. aku nggak bisa konsen, nggak bisa fokus. Mungkin emang ada masa jenuh .. dan ini saatnya kali.

"Looking for Perfection"

I wonder what is the limit of perfection in finding someone special ... I suppose it will vary between one to another, but the search itself remains the same. How do we fall in love at the first place? Perfect now or perfect later?

Nobody's perfect ... Yeah, we heard that a million times before.
But the question is ... Do we really realize that nobody's perfect?
If then, why do we still demand somebody else's to fit in our image?
Thus creates anger, heart break, and disappointment ...

The thing is .. there is a time frame when you think someone's perfect.
Afterwards, all you see is flaw. This is when the brain really starts to work. HAH!
Before, ... we were blinded by heart and nothing seemed to matter.
We need them both, heart and brain, to realize that LOVE is a cross of perfection and flaw.

"De ja Vu"

Hujan rintik-rintik di luar. Meniriskan nuansa kelabu.
Ada terang lampu jalanan mengiringi tetesnya jatuh ke bumi.
Butiran butiran itu seperti menari pelan di udara malam yang terasa humid.
Dan aku hanya berdiri menatap lekat.
Seperti terbawa ke suatu masa ke tanah kanak-kanakku.
Di balik jendela kamar, selalu kutatap untaian jatuhnya.
Dan kuhirup bau tanah basah, masuk pelan ke relung memoriku.
Aku rindu lihat hijau legit kebun basahku.

Tik, tik, tik, bunyi hujan di atas genting,
airnya turun tidak terkira ....

"Graduation and Vacation"

It feels like years since I update this site. I know I kinda desert it, I have no choice ... it's not just merely laziness, but this week has been a little hectic for me. First of all, I got my *3-year long suffering my ass* in school finito .. in other word, I graduated *hail hail* ... Held on Madison Square Garden on May 28, 2003 at 11:00 AM. I finally got the chance to wear the cap and gown I've been longing for, well ... not really but that was my goal at the moment. I managed to have my study done .. not actually on time, but I've made it toward the end of the tunnel. My parents weren't there, but my grandma, uncle, aunt, bestfriend and my love were there to attend the ceremony with me. Oma came with a bucket of pretty flowers ... I think she was proud that I finish it since she was the one who started this whole thing up anyway. If it wasn't her, I might never be here anyway. Thanks, Oma ....

The commencement was not as boring as I thought it would be, pretty quick compared to the last time I attended Gigi's. Raja was feeling like a photographer with that zoom camera he got ... So we made a bunch of pictures .... I was pretty lost in the magnitude of the stadium, it's the big one for Knicks to play on the NBA game. I was a little desperate to see the amount of people and everybody looked the same ... where the hell is my family sitting now??? I had my pocketbook with Anong and no cell phone on my hand ... and not even a single quarter. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO FIND THEM?? I say .. what the heck ... I'll manage somehow. Among 2000 graduates (undergrad and grad), I felt a little squished ... the guys next to me breathe through my face .. yuck, ... hellooooo ... some gum please ... What can I do anyway? .. I got no choice. Just sit still and hoped it finish before I got panic attack from bad breath ... *yeah, bad breath sucks .. big time!!*

After it ended, I finally found them, one by one ... well, I found Anong first ... he knew where I would think to find him, we're connected ... *hehehe .. right, hon?*. So glad to see his face among the crowd. Then we all managed to one group eventually, .... talk talk talk ... click click click ... ok, now heading to subway to Chinatown. I had to get some food ... Decide to go to Jaya (Malaysian Restaurant) ... got the sitting outside by the sidewalk .. pretty nice ... nice food, nice lunch ... ok, go home now. My heels were killing me ... I'm a sucker to high heels ...

The next big event was that my uncle came from Louisiana, which means a lot of family gathering ... pretty much almost everyday ... but I skipped some of them, too tired with too much excitement anyway. Some bar-BQs and Oma's home cooking ... super duper yummy ... hail to that SUP HISIT she made....

Ok, next ...We're going to Vegas tomorrow ... ahaaaaaa ... vacation vacation ... I deserve it ... so I've been packing and going back and forth to the travel agency, which I found kinda fun ... I'm too excited anyway perhaps ...I can't wait to be on that lustrous free form tropical swimming pool ... sitting by the pool reading magazine or just let myself float on the water. *smirk* I'm not done with packing yet ... and got to get up early to catch my flight so I better end it now and get some rest.

OFF TO BED ... LATER :)

"It feels good"

Yah, yah ... emang gue lagi maleeessss banget ngapa2in aja, ... apalagi nge update blog ini, ... hehehe. Nggak ada inspirasi yang mengundang selera sama sekali, kali udah agak bosankah? ... mungkin.

Hari ini seperti biasa pulang kerja, laper ... pengen banget makan yang kuah2 .. so jadi gue rela2in jalan ke resto Thai untuk beli fish cake noodle soup. Padahal di luar dingin sekali soalnya hujan angin .. mesti biar rintik2 juga lumayan dinginnya bikin gue gemeteran. Ya udah, gak papa .. daripada di rumah bengong kelaparan, .. lagi ngga mood makan indomie hari ini. So, jalan lah gue ... nggak pake naek train segala. Nah, on the way home ... gelap2 .. kok ada sesuatu yang tergeletak di jalan, ... kok kayak dompet? Gue pungut lah tu dompet, gue liat ... ada duitnya $ 80 ... ya udah gue masukin tas. Jalan lagi, ... sampe rumah .. eh si Sr lagi ngepel2 kamarnya ... duh yang mau pindahan bok .. Si cerewet satu ini nanya melulu sementara gue lagi makan ... pengen gue getok aja tuh orang. Trus udah selesai makan, gue bongkar hasil temuan gue tadi di jalan. Gue liat isi dompet itu ...

Ada duit sekitar cepek dollar ... terus check $2000 pake nama tuh orang, plus blank check udah ditanda tangan sebesar $500 .. tinggal di cashin doang *smirk* (you wish!). Di dompet ada ID banyak, credit card 2 biji, ada label nama sticker plus alamatnya ... Gue oprek2 lagi, .. nggak ada nomer telponnya. Ya udah deh, online lah gue buat nyari no telp si empunya dompet ini. Kagak ketemu ... kali dia pasang telpon unlisted, ... akhirnya gue cari alamat si empunya check $500 tadi .. namanya CHS, kotak-katik di web, kagak jelas ... last name sama, tapi first name beda ... bodo ah, gue telpon aja ... ternyata bukan, padahal gue udah jelasin kalo gue nemu dompet. Ternyata beda apt tapi satu building ... eh, dia malah mo bantuin nge-ring apt si CHS ini ... baek juga, ... trus katanya mo telp balik. Ya udah gue hanged up the phone, .. tapi kagak nelpon2 ... Gimana nih, .. niat baik aja kok susah banget??

Gue liat2 lagi ID dia, kagak ada no telp sama sekali ... cuman alamat ... Terus gue liat check yang $2,000 ada namanya HYT, tapi kagak ada alamatnya ... ya udah gue coba2 lagi ... eh, malah ada ketemu satu doang .. persis plek keteplek namanya. Gue liat jam .. udah jam 10:35 PM, bodo ah ... gue telpon deh. Udah kepalang tanggung ... ring .. ring .. ring ... diangkat ... orang itu sendiri yang angkat ... terus gue ceritain duduk ceritanya ... Dia terkaget-kaget, kok gue bisa nemuin no telp dia. Gue bilang ... dari internet ... (apa sih yang nggak bisa ditemuin di internet sekarang .. nggak usah panik). Terus dia kasih nomer telpon si master dompet ... plus gue tinggalin no telp gue ke dia. Gue telpon ke rumahnya, .. ngga ada yang angkat. Ya udah, gue leave message aja.

Singkat kata singkat cerita, si YYL (master dompet) nelpon gue dengan nada takut2 hueehehe (takut udah gue colong duitnya kali ... hehe) Dia bilang mo dateng sekarang ... mumpung lagi di neighbourhood, ya udah dateng aja gue bilang ..... Akhirnya jam 11:40 dia dateng ama 2 temennya, gue ngelongok dulu dari atas ... nyocokin tampang dia sama ID di dompetnya, ... baru gue turun ke bawah, gue bukain pintu. Dia sorry2 banget karena dateng malem2 ambil say thanks, terus nyomot duit dari dompetnya mo dikasih gue ... I said no, ... I don't want it. Dia maksa2 lagi ... I said, NO, I don't want your money ... JUST BE NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE, that's all. Dia senyum2 malu sambil bingung ... terus ngambil sesuatu dari jacketnya. ... Ini ada cookies dari France, ... terima yah ... please. Cookies???? ... Ya jelas gue terima ... hehehehe ... Ini sekarang gue lagi makan ... enaaaaakkkkkk hehehehe.

Ma kasih Tuhan, dah dikasih kesempatan berbuat karma baik meskipun rada2 usaha dikit ...
I feel good about myself and I know that person will do something nice to others too.
And especially for the nice cookies to munch ... LOL.


SELAMAT HARI WAISAK 2003 TO MY FAMILY ... love you, miss you all ....

"Decision ... decision ..."

All my inspiration, well okay ... not all ... mostly ... came to me while I was sitting quietly on the train, reading or observing something. Each day in our lives, we have to make decision(s), either we realize it or not. In one day alone, we have made so many decisions ... look back today ... and think what have you done since the moment you open up your eyes.

In the morning, you hear your alarm rings ... what do you do? you wake up right away? or you snooze? ... I snooze .. *hehehe* extra 9 min to sleep, nae bad ... . Then, taking a shower first? or getting my hot tea first? ... These are routines ... so my brain is already programmed to do them a certain way, I don't realize that I make a decision for each minute passes by. Or is it not a decision anymore?

Either way ... decisions lead to implications which we will carry on in life. Some decisions are harder to choose, but we still have to do it anyway.
My indicator on decision ... is the risk. On two hard-to-pick decisions, sometimes both risks are in the same magnitude. My choice?? .. The one risk that I feel I can live on. I don't have to agree with anybody, but at least I'm true to myself and no regret, because regret is very costly.
Not always the best pick, but hey, ... nobody makes the perfect decision all the time anyway, right? *smirk*

"What's your addiction? This is mine"

I don't have all the time in the world anymore. Who does anyway? ... Well, maybe that's not really the problem. I think it's just I'm not inspired by anything at all lately. Everything is just like daily normal life, .. well I can't really put it that way, but somehow I think that way. I think I'm babling now ... *huh ..*

I wonder if any human being has addiction into certain things, and which I believe is true. Each of us is addicted to something. You name it .. movie, food, clothes, computer, drugs .. etc. Ask yourself if you never addicted to anything at all. The question is why are we addicted to these kind of things? It might need to whole entire year of therapy session before you can figure it out.

My addiction is nicotine ... cigarette is my long friends that I know will deteriote me one day. I've been trying to quit lately, for my own sake ... I cut down a lot ... i mean a lot. This habbit started out as merely a curiousity .. then overtime it built in me. From nothing at all to one butt a day, then two, then four, then I am so hooked up in it, I could finish the whole pack for a day. Bad, huh? ... Yeah, everybody around me told me to quit, ... my family, friends, people on the street (yeah, that's true) ... they told me that smoking is not good for me. Hey, .. like I don't know that. My excuse was that ... a lot of things are not good for us, but we just don't know. Obesity causes more health problems than smoking ( it's a medical research, I don't make this up ) then I justify my nicotine craving habbit. So that's why I never really can quit.

Cigarettes have been my friends all along, giving me a peace of mind in the ups and downs of crazy road that I've had ... It's my best friend ... *don't complain hey non-smokers people* . When you are reluctant to do something, ... you'll find any kind of excuses not to do it. You are just trained to do so, it's your brain, it's your system that help you as a self defense mechanism.

I remembered on my long nights of mid-terms and final with all those textbooks and stack of papers flying around my room, I puffed the cigarettes to help me concentrate ... it did, better than any brain vitamin ever sold, .. hah. Inhaled them to my poor lungs and all the chemicals streamed through my blood. When I was sick of it, I just got out of my room to get some fresh air ... go back and light up another butt to finish up my study.

It was there when I broke up, when I was lonely all by myself laying in my cold room of winter, so far away from friends and family ... It was there with me when I was upset with some wackos I met ... It's just giving me a piece of sanity when I hold it between my fingers and suck the smoke down my throat. How can I let go something so good? ... the fact is that I love it, ... I love smoking .. not to look cool, that doesn't even cross my mind....

It's not just my friend, it's more than that ... I pick cigarettes over people .. some of my ex-bf tried to make me quit, threatening me and stuff .... yelled at me, ... none works!! hahaha ... You're all liars, you are smokers too, ... Kick your ass, bye ... don't push me around ... mind yourself first before you're trying to fix me. I don't mean to sound cocky, but give me a break ... don't push too hard to the edge.

With all my defenses, I realize that I'm being slaved by a thing called nicotine. I never ever use drugs in my life, not even a single pill or puff or sniff. But still I pitty myself for not having control over my body and mind. I'm having short of breath when I try to catch the train, running on that stairs ... I'm not as strong as before, and all I need is just a will ... to do what I have to do. I know it's gonna take time and energy, and strength ... and I'm still craving here .. Help me, God.

"Waiting in vain"

Aku punya kebiasaan buruk yang sampai detik ini belum bisa kuhapus, meski kumengerti jelas nggak bagus. Aku suka menunda. Prinsipku, kalo bisa ditunda kenapa enggak? .... nah, jadinya apa yang aku bisa kerjakan sekarang, sering kutunda sampai saat yang tidak tentu. Ah, masih bisa nanti kok .... Sehari, dua hari, tiga hari, and so on ... and time passes by, I start losing count. I end up forgetting what I supposed to do and a week later or a month later, things're getting out of my hands. The simplest thing for example is replying email, ... I can't always find the right story or words to write back, so I postponed .. but that's okay. Masalahnya, kadang aku udah tau apa yang ingin kutulis, tapi entar aja ahhhhh ...

Terus di other day, lagi aku di subway, .. aku baca Readers Digest yang aku comot dari anong, ...aku baca tentang JFK, presiden Amerika yang terkenal itu. The title is "The secret JFK kept from the world", April 2003 ed., p. 152-169. Di situ ditulis, dia adalah figur yang menggambarkan sosok yang penuh vitalitas, youthful, strong, energetic. But it was all lies, he covered it up. He was a very sick person since a little boy. His family knew all along that he wouldn't live a long live. "Life is unfair .... " as he said famously, exactly described his situation. Sick to death, he grabbed everything in front of him, he never wanted to wait or lose cause he knew he might never get a chance anymore.

As I finished reading it, it came across me ... when you know you don't have time ... you just do it. Everything that holds you back, never matter ...
Why not think like that, you never know how long you gonna live anyway. I waste too much time.

GRAB LIFE TODAY...

"Pindahan"

Lagi nggak niat banget posting, maklum abis pindah2an ... barang2 berantakan di mana2, pengen ngrapiin tapi tenaga nggak ada ...living room yang tadinya penuh banget udah lumayan kosong dan mulai ada bentuknya. Sampah bertumpuk2 di luar ... nggak tahu udah habis berapa dos of tall trash bag .. pas hari pindah2an aku ambruk nggak tahan, pake acara tidur segala, sementara co2 itu masih giat2nya ngangkut naik turun tangga, bolak balik 3 kali ... Salut ama kalian guys. Angkat tangan, acungin jempol .... Nggak ada deh acara masak2, makan luar semua. Pagi makan dimsum di Ping Restaurant, enakkkkk banget seperti biasanya .... siang cuman beli lunch box gitu di Kam Lun, share nasi bareng2 ... terus malem makan di resto Taiwan deket Walgreen sono. mayan sih .... gitu aja jalannya malesssss banget, badan sakit semua bok.

In a week, imbasnya masih kerasa, sakitku belom sembuh2 juga ... Flu, pilek, batuk ... tenggorokan sakit banget. Terlalu diforsir sih .. paling males pindahan. Minum obat nggak mempan semua, dari Decolgen, NY Quil night and day, ... ngga berkurang. Mungkin kondisi tubuhku juga lagi nggak fit, jadi perang nya virus2 itu agak lama kali ya? Kalo malem susah banget napas, nggak bisa tidur karena hidung kesumbat, Vicks udah selalu setia disampingku deh plus tissue with lotion, kalo nggak ada lotionnya, habis deh hidungku periiihh ... biar mahalan dikit nggak papa, yang penting comfort. Moga-moga aja cepet sembuh deh, I'm sick of getting sick.

"Cerita seorang maya"

** Parental Advisory **

Kutemukan sosoknya dalam diriku ... wanita muda itu sebaya ...
Bertemu dalam suatu masa yang lalu .. dan dia lalu bercerita
Jari-jarinya menari di atas papan ketik elektronik ... melenggokkan penat hatinya.
Dan dia bertanya ... apakah intuisi itu dapat kita percaya?
Apakah benar adanya indra ke-enam? Darimanakah kita dapat memilah intuisi dengan prasangka ...
Aku termangu .. diam ..

Lalu dia terus bertanya ... apakah sebaiknya kita percaya apa yang kita rasakan?
Mengapa hidup begitu getir .. dan mengapa kita harus jadi salah satu peran peran ini?
Aku tak memilih jadi begini ... aku tak tahu apakah aku ini benar atau salah.
Suci atau sundal ...

Laki-laki suka tubuhnya karena dia ranum ... merekah ... siapa yang tak ingin memetiknya.
Aku tak percaya cinta .. cinta itu basi bau mulut yang tak enak ...
Pernah kupercaya cinta ... tapi itu dulu, jaman aku masih bau kencur.
Masih belum kenal dengan namanya penis lelaki ... hahaha ...
ternyata enak juga ... meskipun bau pesing kadang.
Aku tergelak mendengarnya ...

Pamanku pernah menikamku dengan senjatanya ... aku tergetar diam, I'm sorry I said ..
oh, it's okay ... itu cuma cerita lalu .... aku pendam erat ... siapa juga mau percaya ceritaku.
Aku jadi benci laki laki sejak saat itu, mereka maunya cuma meremas payudaraku dan menempelkan tititnya.
Tapi kadang aku juga suka ... enak sih. LOL.
Kadang saja aku enggan disentuh .... pernah nggak merasakan kekosongan saat bersetubuh?
Biarpun sama pacarku, tak ingin juga aku dipegangnya ...

Kenapa? tanyaku ... lagi nggak mood?
Bukan, ... bercinta itu mengalirkan hawa tersendiri yang beda tiap permainan.
Aku merasa tidak dicintai ... hanya dianggap seonggok daging ...
Aku percaya intuisiku ... jadi aku tahu .. something's wrong.
Aku juga ingin dielus, dicium, dibelai-belai untuk warming up ... memangnya enak langsung tancap?!
Laki laki itu kadang bodoh sekali .... vagina punya kelenjar2 yang basah kalau kita terangsang,
sama seperti titit yang berdiri. Sama cara kerja dan fungsinya .. beda bentuk, gitu aja.
Aku senyum-senyum sendiri ...

Terus kamu nggak mau lagi dong sama yang namanya lelaki?
Siapa bilang, ... aku juga butuh kok ... hanya saja, take it easy ... it's all bullshit
bahkan dari lelaki yang say "I Love You" .. pasti akan ada suatu saat kamu akan merasa kosong ...
ingat itu, tapi jangan cemas .... basuh saja tubuhmu, seks nggak selalu nikmat.
Mungkin next time is better ... hahaha.

Kamu gila ... tapi lugas dan apa adanya.
mungkin, ... terlalu banyak pahit menekan .... tapi yang penting aku waras untuk meneruskan hidupku
bukan seperti pengecut yang pilih menghabisi nyawanya. Itu namanya kalah adu nasib.

Thanks for talking with me ... aku kayak habis dapat brain shock .. :)
anytime ..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------???????????????????????????
kenapa ku posting? kagum, heran, bingung, tercengang ... geleng-geleng kepala.
Salut sama jujurnya ...
Itu yang penting, karena kita menjumpai beragam manusia di dunia ini, perbedaan itu kenyataan .....
Hidup ini penuh luka-luka, dan apa yang kita alami mungkin tak sebanding dengan yang lainnya.
Ini kenyataan ... dari seseorang yang tak pernah kulihat nyata, hanya virtual ... tapi hatiku untuknya.

Good night girl ... wherever you are.

"Shine on Me ..."

Today was so nice, it was warm ... not hot ...with a brisk wind that caresses my arms. I got a chance to use my sleeveless tee, carry on a sweater just in case it would get colder. I walked out the door, blinded for a second by the sharp shine of the sun ... whooaaa ... what a day ... love it. I don't remember when was the last time it gets so warm and nice like this in NY ... almost 6 months ago. I'm a night person but I love the sun, it's one of my source of happiness. Spring is on the air ....

I was feeling all happy ... ... even anong's grouchiness didn't bother me that much ... cause we're heading to IHOP anyway ... can't wait to get the buttery hot pancakes with maple syrup on top shoved down to my empty tummy *drooling*. At IHOP, we were seated in the booth by this little chick ... literaly .. she's like 2 yo old something, soooo cute with her curly pony tail and yellow hair band ... her eyes are so bright and those lashes are long and curled up .. drop dead gorgeous ... I wanted to pinch that chubby pink cheek, but I refrained myself :P~~~. So we just ordered the food, I got The Big Steak Omelette ... cost almost $10, but oh well, I was starving as hell and it look damn good. Anong just got the Grilled Cheese Sandwich ... no pancakes?? no way ..... mine came with three buttermilk pancakes ... * mmmmmmm .... * that's what I'm talking about .... Forget diet for this time, I need my calories ... .

I was seated by the window with my back facing it, so I got to soak up the warmth ... oooh, felt so good. Not a while later, that little chick was pointing at me and anong ... she murmured something, I was like "What did you say, baby?", her mom said ... "She thinks you're Chinese". I smiled back and wondered how this 2 year-old knew, then I said "She's right ... I have Chinese in me", the mom looked surprised because she thought I wasn't .... yeah, I look more like Spanish or Filipine. (note to slesta: it's new york, girl ... we have the same problem ... hehehe ) .

After finishing up, sooo full, I only ate two pancakes anyway ... I planned to see Mr. Martinez, hopefully he's at home, so Anong waited in the car while I went upstairs. When I knocked at the door, I didn't expect him to let me in ... I only need to say a few thing to him, but I walked in anyway ... and there she is ... Mami is at home!! She's back from the hospital ... oh, I'm glad to see her ... she looked skinnier but still pretty and smiley as always. I called her Mami because that's how Spanish people call a lady ... She got heart attack and went into comma about 5 months ago ... so happy to see her back home, I kissed and hugged her ... She's really resembling my great grandma, maybe that's why I call her Mami while the other girls call her Mrs. Martinez. We chit chat for more than 30 min, poor Cookie .. he's waiting downstairs painfully ... sorry babe ... then I said bye and told anong the good news ....

What a day .....

On top of that, I got an email from mom ... I always love to get emails from mom eventhough she replies in a week, duh mom ... so rellying on my brother just to hit CONNECT and SEND button. I just reread it again ... and the bottom part just makes me so warm this whole day ....

Sayang dari mama ....
mama telah dan akan sering memelukmu dalam pikiran dan visual ...
did u ever feel it ? Right now I do it again, at 10.40 am (21 / 3) ........
See You soon .....

Always mother, ... always .......

"Smile though your heart is weary"

Sometimes things are complicated, one after another. Do we have control in our destiny? I just got an email from Bill, broken hearted .... his gf in China married another guy ... He put on hope and dream to build life together ... and then one day .. * bam * it crushed. I can list a few example of friends but I think it's rather personal ... so I just leave it alone. Even I am not content for what I am going through now ... why is that so? Things are not happening as I plan to, but life goes on and I got to do what I got do ...

Speaking of faith, I do believe God has His own way to show us the incredibly way of life through pain ... I'm not so into people who say "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger". It's not totally true I think, but there is a sense of truth in it. Btw, say that to Saddam .... * wonder what he'll answer *

When I sit in the train ... I look on people's face and trying to figure out what they do for living, are they happy? are they stress out? When I deal with customers, it's funny that I have mix reactions ... Some people are extremely nice, and some people are just assholes ... When these people acting up, I just try to be emphatical and think that they must have been in a situation that make them cold-hearted... unsatisfied living condition, problems in life ... etc.

This one guy, .... he was yelling at me because I raised my voice after he asked me the same question three times in a row ... he said I gave him an attitude ... you know what .. I don't give you attitude unless you give me one ... . He said .. "Yo, don't give me attitude, .. I'm not fucking stupid ... " hahahahaha ... well you know what .. I think you're fucking stupid ... you asked me exactly the same question three times, mister wize-azz. And then this lady that gave me a freezing cold looking ... no thank you what so ever ... oh well, maybe she got pre-menapouse syndrome.

But there are also nice people .. like this guy who came upon with a sparkly eyes ... and then after 5 minutes staring at me he said ... you have such a pretty smile ... * blush * ... thank you, sir. Then another one who suddenly spoke to me with a straight face .. "What with the smile?" .. I didn't even realize that I was smiling ... I said ... "I can't smile?" ... he replied with a big smile on his face, "You sure can, God knows we need more people to smile around here" ... * damn, I thought he was offended or something ... * If a big black guy speaks to you like that, ... well ... you don't want to mess up with him ...

New Yorkers are rude, but still they love to see a nice warm smile ... especially now. War on terror on all national TV ... live show of American attack in Baghdad, continued with Saddam speach on Iraqi TV. He says he'll do everything to defend his nation ... damn right he will .. I won't critize Bush ... he's just so full of it. I don't get it and I might never get it ... but he starts his mission anyway ... Here is another history in life ... ain't nothing I can do 'bout it ... maybe it's just the way it has to be. I feel so bad with the soldiers that go to the battlefield, they're so young ... around 20 to 24 yo ... MTV had their reporter sent to Kuwaiti desert and interviewed those soldiers ... innocent faces drafted in the name of patriotism ...

Oh .. speaking about soldiers ... they are blogging too .. US Military has banned the server because the blogs might indicate something crucial revealed to enemy lines. Yes erly, they do make blog ... but they also have to go to war. Unfortunately ...

"Father Figure"

I'm an emotional person ... not the kind of shy and quiet person ... but not the one who always speaks out loud either. Put it this way .... I'm in between.... I observe and able to switch from quiet to loud in a second when the moment suits me. Somehow the process of maturing has changes my personality more or less. Natural traits and environment influence have been affecting my capability to control my emotion.

I get angry easily ... but I get over it in 5 minutes ... really ... is it good? is it bad? both ways ... I guess it's bad in the way that I flip so easily .. and it's good that I don't carry any baggage ... I usually end up regreting what I said or did in a split second, and if I realized I was wrong .. I came to the person and apologize, sincerely. This is one thing that I learned over year .... cause it's pretty embarrassing to admit that I'm wrong ... One day it came across my mind, that I would be so low for not being able to stand up and admit that I was wrong. It's always easier to walk away ... but again I'm dealing with what kind of situation??

I don't understand some of my friends who can remain calm in any given situation, and that point on I learn from them ... I admire those people who have patience as deep as the Pacific Ocean, cause I don't. In the final fight, I always lose the battle with them ... cause I'm losing the opponent to trigger my anger. Nothing stops me like a calm soothing voice with the eyes of understanding ... that's it .. I'm done right there.

I once had a big fight with dad ... it was way over board .. being his daughter that inherits his emotional trademark, .. I couldn't help but to fight back, ... and on that moment, I knew ... I don't care who you are .. you don't treat me like shit .. if I know I'm right. I was always afraid of him .... he loves me and wants to protect me and raged at the moment .. but love means not mistreating the person you care. He was hurt, not expecting that I would fight back .. and I was hurt too .. but I came up to him next thing in the morning to apologize ... I told him, I promised myself you won't hit me anymore, I'm a grown up daddy .... You hit me once when I was 14 yo for something that I didn't do wrong, just because you were stressed out with work. How my heart aches but I let you get away with it .... I promised myself, nobody, nobody will ever hit me like that again ...

Till these days, that event carries on ... I have remorse .. but I'm glad I did it, cause a promise to myself is stronger than anything else. Later on mom told me that he had a mixed feeling .. he's hurt in a way but he also respects me. He knows I'll stand up for myself .. even when he's not around to protect me.
He has changed so much now .. through a lot and a lot of meditation ... and I know I carry that genetic of being hot-blooded in every inch of me, and I'm trying to control it. I learn something and you learn something too ....

When I was little ... we had a routine to say "I love you" right before I went to bed .. and it was a habbit that you want us, your children to do .. I'm far away from you, pa ... and don't doubt in a single bit that I love you ... love you ... love you ... miss you in my own way that you might not understand. I couldn't talk to you more than 5 minutes straight over the phone, ... I couldn't hang out with you as much as I wanted to, cause I always feel awkward ... But I love you pa, ....... all the things you've teached me .. I look up on you ... on the strength and the courage you have as a man
Happy Birthday, daddy .... I wish I could be there to give you hugs and kisses. Love, your daughter.

"Wrong Traffic"

I started this blog merely for me to put my mind in a "written" form of my scrambling thoughts. I wasn't into the fancy stuff for others but for myself, to keep on my journal nice and memorable to read. Maybe something silly or unimportant but necessarly crossed my mind and made me happy just to put it down. I'd like to share my thoughts with some people, .. guess it's a symbol of expression.

A coincident happened when I found sLesta's site. She introduced me to a new way of blogging, reaching broader "virtual" community and basically more traffic * thanks, girl :D *. I found wonderful people whose blogs I link on the left panel and some more to go ... I haven't got a chance to put it down. These people are interested in reading blogs and sharing thoughts ..

But apparently, I've been attracting the wrong traffic, ....just because merely I put down this words: I*n*u*l D*a*r*a*s*t*i*t*a. People type her name in Search Engines and got into my web .. oh boy, something that I'm not proud of. Go ahead try it on MSN or Yahoo!.
So this post is for clarification: She doesn't have website!! Go find her mpeg in Kazaa. If you're lucky .... then you'll find it. It's only 5 secs ... gosh.

Leave me in peace now.

"Nuansa Malam"

Aku jenuh banget seharian ini, karena nggak keluar rumah sama sekali .. tadi males banget mo keluar, dingin'e rek .. nggak bisa tidur juga seharian, kusangka bakal gampang .. ternyata ora iso turu sampe jam segini. Aku percaya di dunia ini ada 2 tipe manusia: night person ama morning person. Lha kalo aku emang night person, apa salah ... apa dayaku ... lha wong Tuhan nyiptain aku gini. Lagian apa-apa itu kan selalu ada balancenya ... kayak yin yang (simbol Chinese yang bulet itu). Kalo semua orang bangun pagi ... pedagang nasi liwet di depan Simpang Lima yang bukanya jam 2 malem nggak ada yang beli dong .... padahal lagi enak2e ... * kangen berat nasi liwet Yu Nah *

Soalnya dari SMP juga tidur malem, kalo bangun pagi susaaaaaaaah banget ... Mbak Sri sampe bolak balik 4 kali ... tobaaat kata dia * hehehe *. Makanya aku bete banget kalo disuruh bangun pagi2 .... Aku sebel banget sama yang nyiptain peraturan mesti sampe di sekolah jam 7 pagi .... ya mbok diundur sak jam meneh kan yo rak popo toh. Aku kadang nggak sabar jadi dewasa ya karena salah satu hal itu ... kalo jaman SD, SMP, SMA itu kan aturan dah baku. gelem ngene .. rak gelem yo ora iso sekolah ...

Waktu kuliah di Bandung semakin menjadi2 deh begadangnya ... tapi mbok bapakku yo wes ngerti kok, lha wong aku ama papa berdua hobby nonton ketoprak humor ampe malam .. sambil aku cekakak cekikik .... paling hobby kalo liat Basuki ngomong yen tak pikir-pikir dengan gayanya yang yak yak'o kuwi. Dah wes, ora terkontrol ... sesoke mama ngomel2 sayang ... "aduh nok, kowe ngguyune kuwi kok heboh banget ... tapi mama seneng kok kalo di rumah ini ada tawa, rumah jadi rame". Sampe terakhir kemaren pas liburan pulang, akhirnya daku berhasil nonton sekali doang!!, masih sama dengan trademark cekakak cekikik itu. Besoknya mama bilang "kadang kalo malem, mama kangen dengar ketawamu .... tapi Tata nggak di sini" (aduh bunda tercinta, .. aku juga sering rindu belai halus tanganmu).

Entah kenapa aku lebih suka belajar malam ... apalagi kalo dah ujian, selalu sistem semalam suntuk. Malam itu lebih tenang, nggak hiruk pikuk ... kayaknya aku punya dunia sendiri, untuk konsentrasi dengan apa yang kukerjakan ... less distraction. Semua2 juga lebih cepet masuk ... paling kalo udah bete banget belajar, keluar sebentar ke kebun belakang ... sambil ngeliatin bulan atau nyoba2 nebak rasi bintang ... Semakin banyak bintang di langit, semakin lebar senyumku dan tentram hatiku .... kok kelihatannya sepele sekali ya?? ... tapi kalo kita tinggal di kota, susaaaah banget liat bintang. Makanya pas jalan2 ke Bandung-Puncak, bareng anak2 94 dulu jaman2 kuliah, ... aku dengan sebodo amat .. ngelongokin kepala keluar jendela mobil berusaha ngeliat bintang ... lumayan banyak sih...

Tapi pengalamanku ngeliat bintang yang paling heboh di Lombok, ... waktu itu liburan sekeluarga di pulau terpenciiiiil banget, punya temen papa, yang "resort" nya terbuat dari bambu dan gedheg .. alias rumbai2 gitu doang ... huehehe... persis kayak di film Blue Lagoon. Mandinya juga aneh karena kadar garam di air tinggi sekali, sabun kan bereaksi dengan air garam jadi nggak ada busanya sama sekali. Malemnya, kita semua dinner nyantap lobster yang harganya cuman Rp 5.000,- sepotongnya ... murah abis deh, ... sampe heran ... di ruang induk yang sederhana banget dengan tv kecilnya. Sudah itu kita semua jalan2 di pinggir pantai, ... yang notabene agak2 gelap total ... soalnya adanya cuman obor2 yang dipancang beberapa biji di deket pondok. Mama papa jalan berduaan ... widihhh ... sementara kita berempat lari2 sendiri kayak anak ayam .. terus pas aku udah deket ke pantai ... wouuwwwww, aku bener2 ternganga ... literally ... jaw-dropping moment ... begitu banyaknya bintang saling berhimpitan di langit!!!! Bukan seribu atau dua ribu ... tapi bener2 langit penuh bintang semua .... Oh my God .. indaaaaaah banget. Mereka semua berlomba2 untuk bersinar .... nggak ada jewelry yang bersinar secantik itu. One day, one day ... I'll come back .....

Malam memang punya keindahannya tersendiri .....

"double ad??"

aku kayaknya menuh2in server Pyrad .. jadi sekarang di punish pake ad banner 2 ... adoooh, kalo gue lagi nggak bokek ... mau aja bayar blog yang ad free, tapi ini asli lagi bokek. Mo bayar rent bulan depan aja pusing ... parah banget deh bokeknya. Nggak enak banget ... aku bingung kalo ngeliat blognya anak2 laen yang pake host kayak tripod ato geocities, tapi kok dengan format blog. Apa bisa toh dibikin gitu ..?? Ada yang tau nggak ... bete ngeliat ad blink-blink mlulu ...

~~~~~~~~~ Okke emang oke ... (sambil gaya ngacungin jempol) hehehe ~~~~~~~~~~

"Religion and Spirituality"

Red: You need an open mind to read this, if not .. then stop, go somewhere else.

Sometimes I asked myself .. am I a religious person? probably not ... I hardly pray unless I'm in the mood of it. I hold a religion, but I don't really practice it so much. My parents never make it such a big deal what religion I am going to hold.They gave me liberation to choose what belief I'll follow. I went through a lot of phases of this religion thingy .. Christian, Catholic, Moslem, Buddhism .. never Hindhuism, since I probably didn't get much influence of it, though I'm quite interesting somehow.

When I was 5 yo, I went to a Christian school, so my teacher made me go to Sunday School, which I kinda enjoy ... because I could use a nice dress and meet up with all of my friends, and the music was loud and happy, with a lot of clapping. Then I could get to hear some stories from the Bible with great presentation of sticky pictures on the board and animated sound. Afterwards, we could get to play games by looking for verses in the Bible, and whoever found it first was the winner of a bag of biscuits and candies (simple but work all the time).

Then it's time to say goodbye to elementary school. I was accepted in the most outstanding private school in the city, which happened to be a Catholic school (that was the best of the best school I've always have fond of). It has a big church on the front side of the my school, probably the biggest in the city, people call it Cathedral Church. The school only teached Catholic as religion subject, so I get in-depth to it, had no choice ... and as sometimes after school, I could hear people having Mass were chanting in a such soothing melody. I got interested to experience what's inside the church. So I went there on Sunday with my best friend, Bertha, who was Catholic by no choice a.k.a born baptised (ojo ngamuk yo ndit .. hehehe .. )

Time to move on from wonderful school, I picked a Catholic school again for my secondary high school. I still went to the church, but only once-in-a-blue-moon. I remember going to the Chrismas Night Mass with my gf Irma at her church in Atmodirono just because I thought that was cool and holy * wooowww, that was lame but innocent :P~~ *. Along with us was Mas Doddy and Debby, she's an exchange student from I don't remember where ... some white girl. So they picked me up and I was contented enough to find out what it felt like to be in the church at midnight. But that was it, ... the first and the last Christmas midnight Mass for me.

When I had a bf, he was a Moslem ... it was never a big deal to me that our religion was different. I had a lot of bestfriends that happened to be moslems and they were cool as hell. He asked me couple of times if I wanted to become a moslem, and I wasn't so sure .. but hey, I could give it a try .. who knows this is the end of my long last searching? But again, he didn't practice his religion as well ... so I didn't bother to learn either ... we broke up anyway. In college, I met a guy that later became my bf and he's Moslem too ... but, this one is more religious (Oo ..). So the same question poped up again ... and I said okay. So I was kinda trying to find out how I could learn about Islam .. I happened to live by a mosque Istiqomah (it's like .. in front of my boarding house). I walked in the gate and looked for any human being around ... then I saw a lady there, so I said hi and told her that I wanted to learn about Islam. She was so happy and gave me sorta of booklet ... then we chit chat a little bit and I said bye. I read it ... but couldn't really get it in my mind. So I asked my bf, but he said he couldn't help teaching me .. He said I should learn by myself ..... (??????). Then I was like ... whatever ... you're the one who suggests and you don't even help me ... I gave up knowing that it was not going to work for me or him.

I had a crush on a Balinese guy when I was in Bandung, I used to sit in his room and asked him if he would like to pray so I could watch (but he said he was to shy). I argued by saying "Why would you have to be shy for doing something good?". He didn't buy a word I say .. hah .. (Oh, btw, Balinese identics with Hindhuism). So I bugged him with questions. He had this religious calendar hanging by the door, written in Sanskrit. I was like ... "What does this symbol means? Is this a holiday? What's the holiday celebrating for? .. bla bla bla". He was kindly answered all of my questions, but my adventure of exploring another religion was only going that far.

My parents are Buddhist, very dedicated one ... started with my dad. Every year there is always a Vesak Celebration in Indonesia that held in Borobudur, and mom always asked us along to join and stay in Mendut for couple of days. My dad always participates in the event as either Chief or Second Chief or Ceremony Chief year by year. I always enjoy seeing him on the field of Borobudur preparing for the ceremony. I get the special treatment to walk around anywhere just because people know he's my dad .. (hahaha).

The thing was I didn't go to this event every year, .. as a teenager, I didn't feel like hanging out with my parents so much, so I could always make up excuse with some school work or whatever, but instead I just hung out with my friends. Apparently they never pushed me to ... and after two years in a row missing the event, I kinda miss it. I missed to hear the chanting lightly flow in the air under the extraordinary full moon. FYI: Vesak is celebrated each year as a ceremony of the Birth, Enlightment, and Death of Buddha, when the moon is the fullest of the whole year. (Yes, it's kinda amazing that Buddha had the same date for all that three events together!!)

It was that moment ... looking at the moon, with its brightest glow, I knew what I want .... You know when you know it.

Then again, I don't feel like I'm a good example of a buddhist ... I don't practice my religion in the right manner. I'm more into what's touching my heart ... I read many literatures and find the best of each religion to pick as a guidance. I like spiritual reading, one of my favorite is Anthony de Mello, SJ (his book: Awareness, Doa Sang Katak), a Jesuit pastor, a great spiritualist that has opened my eyes with his great story of different religions.

I observe people and I find that I can't generalized the relationship between religion and individual manner. I've seen so many people distorted with the idea of God and religion ... my God, your God, ... give me a break, .. don't try to describe "your God" to me ... you just ruin it. If you are happy with it, then I'm happy for you, but I'm not going to listen to your propaganda. The minute you use "My" in front of the "God" ... I'm outta here. It crossed my mind that if all religions claim that the only way to go to heaven is through their religion, then everybody's going to hell since there is no ONE religion on earth. * right? *

As a human being, we always have the need to be in touch with our Higher Power, the heart is longing to find our existence in the world. I've seen so many people transformed into a new person by their religions. The cold hearted, the suffered, the hopeless ... touched by an angel. And I do believe in God, ... cause how can a tree grow? how can a baby made by eggs and sperm? who can make blood? ......... even Discovery Channel can't explain how and why.
But again there are people who don't believe in God, like my Russian friend (no wonder why). I saw this movie "Contact" by Jodie Foster(Dr. Eleanor Ann 'Ellie' Arroway) and Matthew McConaughey (Father Palmer Joss) at this part of their interesting conversation.

Ellie doesn't believe in God and she challenges Palmer to prove the existence of God. Courtesy of IMDB

Palmer Joss: "Did you love your father?"
Ellie Arroway: "What?"
Palmer Joss: "Your dad. Did you love him?"
Ellie Arroway: "Yes, very much."
Palmer Joss: "Prove it."
Ellie Arroway: * speechless *


If you believe in God, try to guess this riddle:

What is greater than God?
What is more evil than the Devil?
The poor has it, the rich needs it, and if you eat it, you'll die ...

"Random"

I was in the mood of writing a lot of things, but when things get too much, my mind became a cable television. I flipped around from one channel to another without any particular show I wanna watch. So that was the story. I couldn't make up my mind on writing something solid, everything was blurry and I couldn't convince myself this would be a good storyto remember, ... so I typed, read, deleted ... typed again, read again, deleted again ... * it happens a lot , crap .. :P *

For the start, I just changed the links on the left ... Bali bombing ceremony in WTC, New York (when the hell is this happened? So lack of information .. I wish I could be there, I miss the sound of gamelan sometimes). Then, input link of Kazaalite, instead of Kazaa which is full of banner. I was curious about this dangdut singer, I*n*u*l D*a*r*a*s*t*i*t*a, who has a "drilling bootie-shake" (yeeeaaahhh ...indeed). Finally found the some mpeg files of her infamous shake in Kazaalite. I was cracking up when I saw it ... And the last one I changed was a site, MBA Finder, for students seek higher education in USA. It was actually managed by my friend, Sunny from my Fall internship in NYSE last Fall. Probably helpful for some fella students.

Gosh, I miss the buffalo chicken wings with blue cheese dipping that Kelly makes in the basement of nyse, it was slamming!! . He stuffed some wings inside my lunch bag sometimes so I don't have to pay for them. * lucky me *, and the mocca yoghurt ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on top? .. aaarrrghhh. I get weak on my knees.
Pull yourself together sista!



Oh, btw .. If you think you are smart ... Can you name Seven Wonders of the World ??
I can only get two right!! I asked three intelligent people. None couldn't get it right.
They're not what you think ... Niagara falls?? eeekkkk.
Check the description in Encarta Online

"Do you know what love is?"


Somebody asked me:

Him: "Why you write about love on your blog?"
Me: "Why not? so many people screaming out loud about pain. I'm tired of it", I said.
Him: "You make me remember love since I read your blog ..."
Me: "Good for you."

As we grow up to be an adult, our daily life has changed into abnormal situation sometimes. Things that we think will never occur in our lives happened, and some of us are living so far away from family and friends that we mostly dear of. We're feeling a little down by bad experiences, falling in love with the wrong person, money problem, stresses at work, stacks of unfinished school projects due tomorrow, aggrevating people, late subway train, cold weather, hot weather .. whatever. And Bit by bit, the love that we found once is leaving us ... or we thought so at least.

On my time alone, I grew fond to read more, pamper me more, less TV, less internet time just to make sure I wouldn't be bitter or crazy. And when I missed love so bad, I found it somewhere in the laugh of children, the smile of a stranger and the hug of a bestfriend, or even an email from mom. A little love here and there has been my refugee of the pain. Now that I have someone with me, I even happier. I'm alive when I know I'm being loved unconditionally, doesn't matter if it's just a little.

And one thing about love is .. nobody knows "the definition" about it. It's just what it is .. it's there when you are ready. It doesn't go anywhere. You can't manipulate it, .. if you can, you should give me your number then .. or email me! * smile *

My gf: "Do you think it's wrong for me to love him?"

Me: "Who am I to judge you, honey?"


~~~ Credit for ang and gi who inspire me for this one ~~~

"Special Registration"

Warga negara Indo yang ada di AS (terutama cowok di atas umur 16 taon) pasti sekarang lagi pusing mikir mo lapor atau nggak ke INS soal NSEERS. Udah 4 hari jalan sejak special registration diberlakukan untuk Indonesian citizen di US. Ini ada sedikit info dari detik.com(** thanks to Oki yang ngirimin berita ini ke gue **) . Buat pertimbangan apakah mo lapor ato nggak, semuanya sih balik ke diri sendiri. Tiap orang kan case nya beda2, dan kadang kita mesti putusin yang terbaik buat diri kita, meskipun sekarang keliatannya pahit banget. Lagian deadline nya diperpanjang sampe akhir April, jadi masih ada waktu untuk mikir2.

Yang pada punya saudara atau temen di State, click aja di sini .
Eh, kok tambah serem sih, baca di Jawa Pos beritanya tambah bikin nyali ciut.

"Too comfortable"

I have this question in mind .. Is love become too comfortable that you don't care about it anymore? It usually happens in a perfect, nice smoothing relationship. The boat is start sailing from the port and the breeze just sort of blowing calmly, pushing it to the middle of the sea ... you got carried away .. enjoying the sun, and wake up .. voila .. u r in the middle of nowhere. Is it true that you need drama in your love life? Something that sparks excitement and challenge?

For all factors, the key element in developing a successfull relationship is communication. Communication according to Webster Dictionary :

"a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior"

Apparently in developing a love relationship, it is subjected to communication as well. It raised a question whether communication is as important as love. A lot of people don't know how to communicate well and it is not really an easy task to do even when you think you are educated. There's no such school as Master of Love Communication, and even if there is, it is far more complicated to get practical in unique situation.

It's quite intriguing that according to Webster, the exchange is done through symbol, signs or behavior!! Meaning that communication is not limited to spoken words only, even behavior can relate to be a form of communication. Oh boy, why I have to make it so complicated?? Is it me or is it him? But whatever it was, I did the right thing for me. And I have to realize that my bf is not so much of a chatter and I try to understand him, and maybe .. just maybe .. I should give him a slap on the face really hard and tell him that relationship is not built overnight and needs both sides to work things out. And I should bang my head really hard to reality and come back from "the comfort island" to be who I was, to rely on myself.

** Never be too comfortable in any situation **

Now I feel better ....

Something in web is messed up, gosh I hate when that happened, broken link and some other stuff. Vero wrote me, she's always cute ... sometimes she puts it in unexpected way, I couldn't help but ponderin what she really meant. Then I took a shower, no hot water!! when all I really want is to get relax .. no hair washing then, it was too cold and I don't want to get sick. Hot shower always makes me calm, hot bath even better!

As I look around, the house is a mess, I got to do something. Not in the mood of writing anymore ... later maybe.

"Battle of Left and Right Brain"

Went to Stop and Shop, look out for bunch of things, then I passed by the ice cream section. Damn, it was a fight .. I wanna grab everything, strawberry cheesecake, rum raisin, cookie dough chip **?? man, I don't even know that such a flavor exists ...**, rocky road, etc. Shoot, I'm in trouble ... My left brain says "fat fat fat ..." while my right brain says ... "yooo, try it ... they look awesome". I gasp for some air and then I put them back one by one .... I can't believe I did that, but I had too .. too indulge with food lately, I'm getting some extra inches on my waist. I should slow down on food. I already have 3-pint size Haagendazs at home, Dulce de Leche, Macadamia Brittle and Chocolate Sorbet.

But at home, the image of those beautiful Haagendasz still haunting me. So I check the website, .. crap, they even have Baileys Ice Cream, Limited Edition ... **not on production currently** I'm just gonna start to cry now.



I'll try this fella on my next trip to Stop and Shop. I have to!! or it's gonna haunt me forever ... :P

Hey, only have one life to live anyway ** hihihihihihi devilish grin .. **

"Can't Sleep"


I slept late and woke up early around 8, couldn't get back to the cozy warmth that I had. I felt in between, to sleep or not to sleep .. I chose the latter, so I made myself my fave espresso, Maxwell 1/2 decaff with 2 tbsp of condensed milk *wonderful choice*. Even Anton gets addicted to it and he's not even a coffee lover at all! I turn on the TV ... another news of War .. apparently this whole nation kinda stupid compared to New Yorker ...a poll indicates 63% people nationwide agree of US plan to invade Iraq, while only 39% people in NY agree to do so. How the hell am I gonna find a job here? America is not the same as before .. everything is so much tougher these days. So many people are going back to their home land, the US gov strictens the border to get here. How am I lucky to get a chance to be here and taste the bitter sweet of the Dream Land.

Sometimes I can't believe I'll be graduating soon, all the hard work, the pain, the struggle to get it done. I was crazyly enough to get out from my aunt's house and after the conversation that .. *we can't support you anymore* ... I walked out the door feeling like a free man and yet didn't know how I'm gonna survive to pay for my own school and rent. I worked my ass off to get all I needed .. pay school tuition in installment, try to study when I was dead tired, carry around my 5-pound textbook in my bag pack so I could read on the train. There were times I thought I'd rather die ... but I was to embarassed to die for nothing, so I thought if they say I won't make it .. I have to make it. Need a lot of encouragement from people ... my family at home, my friends, my customers. I didn't see my fam or friends a lot, so my customers were my refugee. They were like my friends ... no, they are my friends, ... Tamara, Ladine, Tina, Brenda, Lis, Lenny, Christine, Wings, Doreanne, Jas, Phylis, Cathrina, Marlyn, Cindy ... and I miss Tina's girls .. Briana and Annie .. Briana is warm and sweet and Annie is such a doll and extremely shy. Maybe I should call Tina just to say hi. Oh forgot Denise and family .. I listen to their story of life as they listen to mine when they come visit. How's Michele? Is she still in Rome with the Navy? Melissa still in Puerto Rico? What about curly Ceci .. is her black and blue eye okay now? and Tamara .. how's ur dad's surgery? ... ur all going for the cruise again this year? .. and Thea who showed up at store just to make sure I was okay after breaking up with Sean. All those lil conversation build up for two years and they're part of my life that I miss. They pat me on the back when I'm down .. gave me hugs and kisses ... how strangers could be closer than family. Different culture, different nationality .. doesn't matter.

"Snow Blast"

I am happy to be with the snow




I had a blast taking pictures with the boys in Central Park yesterday ... It was terrific day ... We got all play and fun. Raja was going to the city by himself, but then we decided to go along and might as well take the opportunity to get some pic shots, who knows when we gonna have this amount of snow again. I went crazy and didn't even care if I got wet. Thrown to the snow .. pick up some snow ball and play along with it ... it's either in the shoes, the hat or my pants. Roll over the place .. I was pretty surprise that Anton actually wanted to go, in the end I found out that he had a secret plan to go down get some tropical fishes in China Town. No wonder ...

I actually upload some pictures in Image Station so I can keep the memory forever. We had fun, wet and happy ... then we off to Nike Town in Trump Plaza just to pee!! *hahaha ....* We're heading to the subway and went downtown to look for the fishes ... Get off in Canal St, and we were welcomed with the familiar atmosphere of China Town ... garbage and fishes .. stinky. We finally found the fish shop, but nothing was really good ... and the other store was closed. It was time for dinner!! Nyonya was one block away ... so we ate in this nice Malaysian cuisine. Got roti canai, sambal petai, and kangkung belacan ... yummy to my tummy. Felt better after we eat .. I could actually can't wait to get home ... my jeans was so wet ... Somehow I have to wait the next day to see the pics ... I send some people postcard with my pic on it. Hope they enjoy it and know that I'm happy and miss them here.

"Happy Blizzard Day"

I'm gonna enjoy the snow tomorrow :) la la la la

I wonder if I talk to much of my mind. Hah? hold on .. I can do that!! It's my blog and I can write whatever I think. I don't harm anybody anyway ... New York is going to experience another blizzard, the one like 1996. Coooollll ... I love snow ... I went to the get some food before and as I walked by, I noticed that snow was kinda sparkly. What a beauty .. I slided with my shoes on the pavement and I didn't really care what people thought. Drown in the moment.... Let my inner child play. Go on ..

I feel the serenity around me as I've never experienced my neighborhood this quiet. No car's around ... no people walk ... and the snow kinda stick to my window ... It's getting higher .. probably three quarter of a feet. Nice song doesn't hurt either ..

I plan to stay home all day tomorrow, stock up some food and cuddle up with baby. Good thing he's off tomorrow, otherwise I'm all alone playing my puter all day. It's been hurting my eyes and hands ... I still can't stop. I'm not normal?? My honey is sleeping already ... he's dead tired for working since 9:30 and I'm happy to see him on my on my bed curling up. Just to hear his breathing gives me a fuzzy feeling. I love cookie ... he's sweet and hard at the same time. Keeping too much of everything, always the "cool" guy for all time. I like to spoil him sometimes .. he deserves it even if he thinks he doesn't. Silly baby ...

Don't know why .. I am obsessed with web design lately ... I did everything that I think kinda useless but made me happy .. maybe satisfied is a more appopriate word. I'm getting really sleepy, tylenol starts to kick in. Write more later ...

"When Love and Hate Collide"

Since I talk about love in this website a lot, I think I want to explore more today, specifically. I think the idea of love is different from one person to another. One thinks that love is as this, and the other as that. So what love is really? I suppose what we call love is actually a concept. The most universal language of all ... experienced by many people around the world.

Sometimes people recall hate as the opposite of love ... Might be true, might be not. Hate is rooted from love .... If you love music, you know that rapper Eminem has outgrown audience with his hate lyric. He won so many Grammy with his outrageous songs .. the funny thing is that people love it!! Used to be a taboo, but not anymore. If you trace back Eminem's childhood, he was never content of his mother's love, that's why he expresses it now through his music. And in the end, deep down he's longing for the love that he lost from his mother.

You hate people sometimes when they look better or have better life than you. Why? Is it rooted from love? Can you draw the same conclusion? Of course, ... you'd love to have better life ... you'd love to look better than anyone ... and when you don't have it, you hate the subject as the recepient of love. Then I could say that hate is derivative of love. As long as there is black and white, ... this world will always equalize itself in the form of yin yang. It's a symbol of balance ... I haven't gone far to think about what hate will balance love though ... but somehow it must lead to something.

I have browsed around in the Internet for a while and I found so many people wrote about pain, suffer, loneliness, hate etc .. I was interested with sites that kind of intriguing in the title, the hatred or suffered message of it. And I see that when there is lack of love, hate starts to emerge. In my own experience, I feel distant when people I love are not around me, and very withdrawn. But when I have love, I'm more outgoing, more alive, .... more content with life.

Pain is the other word of hate perhaps ... and to my surprise, some people "fall in love" with pain. There is something in pain that makes you want to linger there ... and slowly refuse to love again. Does pain makes you feel secure ... and love doesn't?? Does pain makes you look cool .. and love doesn't? Does love hurt you so much?. It's not love that hurts ... It's your hope, your imagination, your desire ... And because love is the greatest of all those ... you stamp love as the one that makes your heart hurts.

Have you ever loved someone?
Have you ever watched her/him sleeping?
Have you ever warmed her/his hands when it's cold?
Have you ever wanted to kiss those lips lightly?
Have you ever kissed and never want to let go?
Have you been tears just staring at her/him?
Have you ever felt her/his skin so warm when you hold her/him besides you?
Have you ever wished you can snuggle the whole day with her/him on Sunday?
Have you ever missed the most irritating of all in her/him?
Have you?

"Birthday Review"

It's pretty surprising that some people call me or send me message on my birthday. They are people that I don't think will remember ... like Linda, Jenny, Kiki. Some other people that send me card is my sista;Bibi, Mario, Sari, Lenny & Christine.

Happy Birthday

So, this is my 26th birthday ... I don't feel anything special, except when I read what mom wrote to me. She sends me SMS through Raja's phone. I was kinda sick I guess ... it was so freaking cold and windy outside. I went for lunch with Anton at Warteg .. chit chat with mbak Suti ... got my not so good late lunch and then went to Home Depot. Terrible wind blowing when I got out from the store and in a 10-sec walk to the car, I was hit by an excruciating pain in my head. Lasted the whole trip to home, I opened the door, and blasted to the bathroom and get everything I had for lunch out in the toilet bowl ... He cleaned up the mess I made, made me a nice hot tea, and covered me with blanket and tucked some pillows to make me comfortable.*Thank you, cookie .. *

Then I watched the movie "Heart in Atlantis" with Anton, but my head was still banging ... the worst headache I've ever remembered. It felt like my skull was growing and waiting to explode, to make it worse .. even eye movement gave me shooting pain .. God, what happened to me?? I took 2 Panadol pills in the next 10 min when I couldn't stand it anymore, it didn't feel working at all ...

Then I locked myself in the bedroom, tried to meditate and learned to take the pain, I hymned whatever chant I could remember "Namo tassa bhagavatto, arahato, sama sambudase ... three times ... then .. "Sabbe satta bhawantu sukitata". The former I wasn't sure what it meant, but the latter meant "May all living being be happy". I chanted them over and over ... and slowly ... I felt more relaxed .. and the pain started to go away. Maybe it's the meditation, or the pills ... both worked wonderfully I supposed. I walked out the room out of pain .. totally!!

I was thinking that maybe the pain supposed to remind me, that life is sometimes crushed you with an unbearable pain, but it will eventually go away in time. And the pain itself, reminds me that I have a head, to conciously aware its existence as a part of me. Which I don't appreciate it so much when I'm healthy ... and then all the sudden, it's shouting out loud .. hey .. hey .. I'm here ... I need attention. Think about it how we take our body parts for granted untill one day you are in pain.

This is what mom wrote .. I type it here as it is .. she made mistake as you will see ... on the year of course .. but it's okay .. *love, love, love*

Hi tayang ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEETHEART. Pap n mom n adik2. Hope u always happy. Home peb 13, 03, 00.20 am, the day I delivered u 26 years ago. We love you .. We r proud of u .. We wish u were at home now. Please Feel our big big hug ....

Thank you ma ... Miss you always, never stop missing you ... not even a single second. *nobody hugs like ma*

TV Shows

I have this favorite TV show .. Surprise by Design that runs every week day for two episodes on 12 to 1pm then 1 to 2 pm. The two designers, Rebecca Cole and Robert Verdi are cool in terms of creativity and imagination. Basically what they do is making a room makeover on a one-day basis to surprise someone in the family (either the husband, the wife, the bf, the gf .. whoever.. ). Everybody (brother/sister, neighbour, friends ..) will help to finish up the project, and sometimes due to lack of time, they have to switch plan .. and still comes out with something gorgeous. Rebecca goes with the broader idea and Robert (love him, he's so funny!!) is the accessory guy. He can create something out of nowhere and come out beautifully.

I was kinda surprised by how many furnitures I have at home that actually wonderful antique stuff but left sitting on the corner, waiting to be polished ... oh I wish I studied Interior Design. That is sorta my passion. I can't stop watching HGTV station to find new ideas on decorating home. I know someday I will pursue my passion ... gotta find a way.

The other TV show that I love is reality show, the most recent are Joe Millionare and American Idol. For those in the State will know about these shows, Joe Millionare is a reality TV show of a millionare bachelor that looks for love by inviting 25 girls into his castle in French. Get to know each one of them, make selections and eliminate constentants every week. "Joe" inherits $50 million and he wants to find which girl really digs for him, not his money. Why???? Because .. here is the twist... Joe is actually a construction worker with only $19,000 income/year. And none of these girls aware of that, because he looks so jet-set (dark, handsome, tall, ... ). Here is the idea of reality TV show ... you see human nature of greediness about money or anything, dying to win with the image they have in mind which might not be true ... *wink*

How come I forgot about The Osbournes ???? I'm addicted to it. It's *fuckingly* crazy and funny. I heard that even Queen Elizabeth (from England .. the real Queen!!) and President Bush love the show too!! The Osbourne is the TV show about Ozzy Osbournes family .. (another reality show). They swear a lot ... and act nuts, but most of all, they love each other fully. You will hear a lot of *beep* censor for too much sworn words, and sometimes you even have to figure out what the hell they're saying. The theme song "remember to love and forget how to hate" .. well something like that. Most of all, I love Sharon *the mother*, she's cool, witty, funny, ... I love her so much!! The last show that I watch was when Ozzy and Sharon renew their vow, and when Sharon expressed her love ... Ozzy was actually crying ... **funny to think that Ozzy was well known as the Prince of Darkness in Metal music, and yeah he bit live bat on stage ... woww** .. Not sissy ... and I think that was cute and sweet, how love can make someone so tough be able to tears.

A year ago

I remember a year ago around this time, cold, broken hearted, alone .. it was a mess ... school was horrible too, I didn't have much money to pay my tuition. Life kinda screwed up, then my gf Gisela helped me out, my parents cheered me up ... lifted my spirit. My valentine was my gf Gisela, I felt like she's an angel to me, so I listened to "Angel on my Shoulder" by Natalie Cole. It crossed my mind how many people helped me through my journey. Oom Bob, Tante Carol, Sean, Ms. Pat Lewis, Prof. Ma, Prof. Schron, Aretha ... my favorite people... I can't never thank enough to you all. So here to all of you ... *stay in my heart forever*.


Angel on My Shoulder - Natalie Cole

I never thought I'd ever make it,
I can't believe the hell I've been through
Couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel,
I didn't know what to do
I've been through the rain,
I've been through the fire
There was something that I never knew

I had an angel on my shoulder,
with a plan for me divine
Must be an angel on my shoulder,
who was right there all the time
(Angel, must be an angel)

This world can be so cold and so heartless
Its hard to find your way alone,
I used to run so fast,
no one could catch me
I couldn't find the way back home,
but I've laughed, I've cried
I've walked both sides,
but my broken heart just never knew

I had an angel on my shoulder,
with a plan for me divine
Got to be an angel on my shoulder,
who was right there
Right there all the time,
everybody needs someone to cling to
With an unchanging love,
I finally found a hand to hold on to
A shelter to run to,
now I see He's watching over me

(Angel on my shoulder, angel)
I've got an (angel on my shoulder)
Angel on my shoulder, with a plan for me divine
Got to be an (angel on my shoulder),
angel on my shoulder
Who was right there, right there, right there all the time
Got to be an angel, an angel, an angel, right there all the time

Salju lagi ..

Hari ini salju lagi ..... I love it when it snow ... everything's so white. But .... kamar gue bocor man .... gile netes2, alhasil baju basah deh ... pake acara ditampung pake ember segala .. jadi kayak di kampung ... :) Terus draft di kamar, masih aja, jadi mesti kuplester pake isolasi tuh ... apalagi tempat AC, lewat sela2nya banyak angin berobos masuk. Kapan ya Spring?? gile deh, winter ini dingin amat dan snow nya juga banyak banget. Moga2 besok pagi bisa foto2 ... foto yang kemaren ilang .. kampret banget .. gara2 baterenya keluar pas aku masukin tas.

Kemaren maen ama Gisela, ketemu di Target ... dan aku ikut dia balik ke rumahnya, makan bentar ... terus nemenin dia ngelaundry. Habis itu balik rumah, masak deh .. pengen aja makan beef barbeque ama kimchi .. wiih enak, buatnya gampang lagi, tinggal direndem2 bentar ama already made sauce. Alhasil tapinya serumah keasepan, tapi baunya enak banget .. hahaha .. ngga toleransi nih.

Udah gitu mukaku gatel2 ... kayaknya kepengaruh kaporit dari kolam renang deh, ... alhasil jadi merah2 gitu deh. I just have to keep my finger from scratching ma face .. *kinda hard .. but I'll try*, terus tadi ke target lagi ... beli lock ama isolasi ... pulang, bersih2 kamar ... pusing banget ngeliat semuanya pada berantakan gitu. Bersih deh ... belum tuntas banget, tapi dah lumayan, ngeliatnya juga enak kaannnn ... papa kalo baca pasti bangga deh, anak ce nya bisa juga bersih2 .. hehe.

Oh, mo bilang kalo gua turut berduka cita ama meninggalnya si Cahyo .. tikusnya palem. Kacian deh, .. padahal kemarennya juga baru lari2 di pundaknya palem .. Pasti palem meliharanya nggak bener, makanya mati ... lagian menurut gua itu pest .. bukan pet deh.

Udah ah, jari gua kedinginan, jadi sakit nih ....

Get Your Body to Work

That's what I did yesterday. I've been thinking about swimming for a long time. I used to swim almost every day, and since I came here, I never really swim .. (vote out the Jones Beach). I love to swim, I found myself calm and energized .. and hungry *hehehe* after I swam. So today, well .. yesterday .. I went to the city with Anton, he had to go to work, and I made up my mind to give myself a lil work. I've been on the computer too much and my hands hurt a lot. I've been disobeying my doctor advice to swim since last year. It's not that I don't want to .. but swimming is very expensive in NYC. I can't afford too much with my limited budget. Till two weeks ago I found that I could swim in my college pool for free!! *thanks to Henry, the life guard who gave me a lot of information*

So I finally took my dive (later on, he told me not to dive since it was shallow, but at least I did it ..) *grin*, and I felt sooo good .... for about after 30 min, I had to finish. The pool had to be closed early for weekend ... oh, btw, my pad lock was too tiny I couldn't put my stuff in the locker. Man, ... I think I have no luck with any locker in the world ... *hm, that doesn't sound right*. I mean, any pad lock for locker ...never works@#$!! So I left it by the pool and the life guard watched it for me ... even in the gym, I'd carry my bag around ... :P

I felt wonderful ... until I completely dressed up and felt the pain on my shoulders .... I think I pull my muscle, which I think kinda normal after a long time vacant of exercise. It hurts when I lift my arms ... and I still have to do food shopping afterwards cause I promise Anton I will cook tonight ... mannn .... And the weather!!, oooh freaking cold!!! My face, my hands ... I couldn't feel them ... I was like aaarrrggggghhh ... wanna get home .. wanna get home ... My room was cold too!!! I think I have so much draft with the two big windows .... but the kitchen was warm. Thank God ...

Moral of the story?? nothing really .. but most importantly, I think sport always makes you feel good. I've made a commitment with my PC, but it sorta kills me back. So I have to slow down and not pushing my body too much. I will end up with Carpal Tunnel Syndromme, strain vision, achy body .. .. the list can go on. From now on, I'll manage to swim at least once a week or probably twice ... *for summer bod .. hehehe*

WAR??

So much for today ... US is on HIGH security alert. New York is on the "Orange Level", the second highest risk on terrorist attack. Keep up-to-date .. Bush still imposes Iraq to comply with UN regulation. Who knows what Saddam will do? especially with a high-scaled aircraft that carries 2000 gallons of anthrax to spray across the country. If that happens in New York .. that's it, I'm finished man .. *cross my fingers and keep praying*.

You just don't feel safe anywhere in the world now. So many terrorist attack, bombing, murders .. everybody panicks ... According to Bible, there would be time that everybody will go back to their own place. Enough for Nostradamus stuff or prophet. Better enjoy what you have right now ... right at the moment.

@}`-- Peace to the world --`{@

WAR??

So much for today ... US is on HIGH security alert. New York is on the "Orange Level", the second highest risk on terrorist attack. Keep up-to-date .. Bush still imposes Iraq to comply with UN regulation. Who knows what Saddam will do? especially with a high-scaled aircraft that carries 2000 gallons of anthrax to spray across the country. If that happens in New York .. that's it, I'm finished man .. *cross my fingers and keep praying*.

You just don't feel safe anywhere in the world now. So many terrorist attack, bombing, murders .. everybody panicks ... According to Bible, there would be time that everybody will go back to their own place. Enough for Nostradamus stuff or prophet. Better enjoy what you have right now ... right at the moment.

Peace to the world

GO PUBLIC

I finally did the editing on the site and putting up some fancy thingy stuff. It costs me hours of sleep, but I think I was even too excited to notice. This morning New York got some snow again!! **yeeaaaahhh**. Some 6-inch snow will accumulate or perhaps already did?? We'll see but It's so pretty outside. Raja called me and told me to go take a look it was pretty .. I know I'm not too affected since I have no car ... and no house .. I mean I'm not homeless, but it's still not my home. Some schools are closed in Brooklyn, maybe the parents have problem??

I sat on the snow with only my PJ and some fluffy down jacket ... then I felt my thighs were kinda numb *stupid but fun .. hehehe*. Okay, I'm waiting for my cup of tea .. the water is boiling ... tea time! Later ....

Tak Akan ada Cinta yang lain (Indonesian version)


Haruskah kuulangi lagi, kata cintaku padamu.
Yakinkan dirimu.
Masihkah terlintas di dada
Keraguanmu itu susahkan hatimu.

Hanyalah satu lagu kenangan.
Cerita cinta kita tak mungkin terlupa.
Buang semua angan mulukmu itu.
Percaya takdir kita, aku cinta padamu.

Tak akan ada cinta yang lain.
Pastikan cintaku hanya untukmu.
Pernahkah terbersit olehmu.
Akupun takut kehilangan dirimu.

Akankah nanti terulang lagi, jalinan cinta semu.
Dengarlah bisikku, bukalah mata hatimu.


I don't want him out of my life, like everyone else before ...
I don't wanna a glimpse of you, babe.
You'r my favorite thing ...

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Have you ever been mellow? Read the title? Go found yourself this song from George Michael. It just melts my crazy brain away ... What putting this song on when you are with your lover, or try to put your baby to sleep ... it works either way. I don't feel like writing all the sudden ... hmmm ...

Wow, it's been a while

Today it's gonna be random experiences put up here since I haven't fill this in for a while.
I guess the cold days make me feel such a lazzy ass. Two days ago, was my cookie's birthday ... I threw him a surpise b'day party .. he loved it!!, he was surprised couldn't stop smiling all along. Ooh, I love my cookie ... :) I ran around to do my shopping and managed everything in time. Got the balloons, .. the gift, the banners ... then the cake and the food ... I was so tired from walking, but it paid off when I saw him happy. It's all that matters..

I was thinking about marriage the other day, and I thought again ... I shouldn't get married for a wrong reason. If you kinda in rush to get married just because you want to get married, which is not a good reason .. because it's not strong enough to make a commitment. A life time commitment .. and ain't nobody gonna save you if you ain't take your own life carefully. Plan is not always fun, but it does make life easier... u tell me 'bout it ..

Rule of thumb: Don't buy things when you'r hesitant cause you will end up not using it. I guess that will work the same with marriage. I can't afford to get in trap in the wrong wedding knot... It takes two to play the game, baby ...